and i u n f o l d

There are two ’ships that I love to death (other than Trory, which will, sadly enough, probably be my OTP forever): Draco/Hermione and Sark/Sydney. In both cases, they get more and more unlikely as canon progresses, which is kinda disappointing but not, at the same time, since my expectations for them happening in canon are slim to begin with.

Anyway. Those two ’ships are those I wish I could write fic for. In truth, my fingers are itching to write something… except for the not-so-minor problem of not having a plot bunny. Well, I’ve had plot bunnies, but not the tangible-doable-can’t-get-out-of-your-head kind which is what I need to push me into writing a fic.

The real truth is that those ’ships intimidate me to death. Seriously. I’ve read some really brilliant stuff and that sets a really high bar to reach. I’m so freaking anal when it comes to writing: it has to be good and I have to be satisfied with it to some extent and when the bar is set so high, it’s kinda scary. Right now, I feel like I can’t write something that will do the ’ship justice.

The other sort of obstacle is the canon. I’m fairly familiar with the Harry Potter-verse, but not so familiar that I can write on it with confidence. And while I’d say that I’m quite on the ball with Alias, the intricacies of the Rambaldi stuff and the SpyWorld is kinda daunting at times.

Still. Eventually, at some point, I really want to dabble in those ’ships. Maybe one day, I’ll just suck it up and give it a go and see what happens. ;)

* * * My dad rebooted the computer yesterday. I didn’t know about it so I didn’t have time to save all my bookmarks and such. Sigh. What really annoys me is that I hadn’t watched episode 14 of OTH which I had just finished downloading. So I have to download it all over again (3 hours to go, and counting). Rebooting my computer is like losing a limb or something. Heh heh.

About a month of school left before exams… and deadlines are looming. Meeeeh. Essays, essays everywhere. Fun times. In addition of RL-stuff, I’ve got the Valentine fic to write (Eeeeek!), P+P judging and all that fandom-related stuff. I’m such a busy bee. Heh heh. Well, the laziest busy bee ever.

Grrrrrr. I am beyond PISSED that Schizophrenic is not available here. Cal called all the music stores and didn’t get a concrete answer, except from Borders who said that it might be available in two weeks. TWO fuckin’ weeks? Gaaaaah. I might as well buy it from Amazon or something.

So so unbelievably pissed.

So. I’m giving in. I’m downloading all the tracks, to tide me over until the damn album is available here.

Guys who can dance are attractive, to me. Hee.

It seems like the thought-to-be-dead crush on CuteDanceGuy is not quite dead after all. Gaaah. I’ve been having dance rehearsals for the past two days for our concert (So. Tired!) and just tonight, I was watching CuteDanceGuy do his thing, and I was like, “Damn, he’s hot!”. He’s not particularly good-looking (though, he does have a good body. Heh); I remember pointing him out to Cal, and she gave me a disbelieving “Okay, sure” kinda look. Heh. But boy can dance… and that, my friends, is all kinds of hot. There’s just something about a guy who can move his body well. ;)

Well, now that I think about it, it’s not so much that the crush has been revived, but rather more of a continued appreciation for the way he dances, and his style. I think I’m definitely over the “Oh my GOD!” phase ‘cos I’m able to carry on a conversation with him, and generally interact with him without going into a spastic fit or feeling self-conscious. Heh heh.

Anyway. Yes, guys who can dance are attractive. *grin* Which is why I love Wade. And Justin. And Usher. And JC.

JC’s album tracks have been leaked. I was determined not to spoil myself. It’s been so goddamn long since I’ve heard any new music from *NSYNC or any derivative of *NSYNC. And with no freaking idea of when they’ll get back together or whether or not the rumors of Jup doing a second album are true, who knows when we’d get more of their music? So, I’m being patient.

But, I kinda caved. Downloaded “Shake It” and “If You Were My Girl” and am grooving in my chair. Who cares that I have school-work to do? Bouncing along to JC’s crack-addled songs are SO much more fun. Heh. I am so un-fucking-believably tempted to download “Build My World”, but no. I remember saving “Selfish” and not listening to the leaked track, and I remember just dying when I heard it moments after I got my grubby hands on Celebrity. It was well worth not spoiling myself. So, I’m doing the same for BMW.

I know, I’m weird. Heh.

I really really can’t wait to buy his album. Eeee!

Grrrr. The source file for episode 14 of OTH is gone. GONE! I am sad. I had trouble downloading it during the past few days… and now it’s just gone. Gaaaah. This sucks all kinds of ass.

I’m suddenly finding myself reading Dawson’s Creek fic again. Hmm. I kinda stopped for a while ‘cos HP & Alias fic were taking over my time. But I was so bored this afternoon (after finishing my third romance novel of the weekend, no less), and decided to check out some of the DC fics I was following. Sigh. I have so much love for Pacey. Best TV boyfriend EVER. I want want want the S3 DVD. And the series finale one. ‘Cos y’know, they lived happily ever after. Heehee.

I’m thinking about whether I should go for my early morning lecture tomorrow. If I do, I’m gonna have a long-ass day ‘cos I have dance rehearsals til 8pm. And I’ll have 4 hours of free time in between, which I hate. If I don’t go, I’ll miss out on yet another lecture and I’ve missed quite a few already. So. I dunno. Meh.

I know I lead a pretty non-eventful life. Most of the time, I like it that way. No drama for me, thankyouverymuch. I never did go through the teenage rebellion phase; sure, there was a time when I loved hanging out with friends, checking out guys, doing stupid things… but I never did do anything really crazy. (I’m way too fucking sensible, damnit!) So, sometimes, I feel like I’m missing out on the quintessential teenage experience, even though I’m technically not a teenager anymore.

I was chatting to an old friend just now. Naz & I have been friends since like… we were 12. We were classmates for four years, and then went to different junior colleges and kinda drifted as all friends are wont to do at some point. She is a crazy, unique girl, I swear. And she’s a lot of fun. I bumped into her on Sunday night, when I was out having dinner with my family… and that’s why we were chatting and just catching up.

Anyway. We were kinda catching up on what some of our mutual friends are up to, and it struck me that everyone else seems to be, well, up to something. Whereas, I am not. Nothing exciting in particular has happened in my life, since we last met. Nothing whatsover. No new guy. No new crush. No new changes. Just nothing. My life is effing stagnating. Damn.

I have my own brand of fun (Reading- yay! Writing- fuuun! Obsessing over tv characters and prettyboys- Ooooh!), but I’m quite isolated from the world at large. I hardly mix around with the people in my classes, since most of them are kinda clique-ish. Most of the time, I go home straight after school. I socialize with people I already know, and really don’t bother making new friends. And I don’t take a second look at the guys in school. Saaad. I can’t freakin’ remember the last time I had an honest-to-goodness crush on someone (CuteDanceGuy doesn’t quite count).

Sad to say, but it seems that the crux of the matter is the lack of boyfriend in my life. A lot of my friends are in relationships (and some in healthy ones, not the melodramatic shit that some relationships are), and not to say that I feel left out, but more like it should be something I should open myself up to. Yet I have a freakin stick in my arse when it comes to guys; I dismiss them so easily as potential romantic interests ‘cos I have a mile-long list of requirements. And I know I have a haughty, non-approachable attitude. And even when I see kinda cute guys around, I just don’t feel attracted enough to them to do something about it. Basically, I’m just feeling apathetic towards guys and the whole dating thing. I’m not feeling it at all.

The thing is: I don’t want to settle. I’m not capable of that. I don’t see a point in dating someone for the sake of dating. It has to fuckin’ mean something.

My mom has kinda noticed it; it’s been a topic of conversation. I don’t know if she’s pleased that I’m not dating anyone (and focusing on school and my own life instead), or worried because of it. But she has said, “There’s someone out there for you.”, which I too believe.

It’s nearly 4am. Don’t mind me if I’m not making any sense. Heh.

ETA: I just read this over. Hmmph. I’m in one of my “moods”. I should get some sleep.

Three days or so having an on-off pounding headache is NOT FUN. I don’t how why I have it, and why the hell it just won’t stop. Arrrgghhhhh.

Finally watched the Alias episode today, even though my download finished late last night. Maybe I’m waaay too steeped in denial, but I still think that Sark has a plan. I’ve resolved to sit through the trainwreck that will probably be the rest of the season, and if things don’t get better by the end, I’m pulling out. Maybe not pulling out of the show completely (cos then, what else would I watch on TV?), but being less fannish and obsessed with it. And I know I’m definitely retreating into fanon, where all is good and sparkly and the way it should be.

School sucks almost as much as the ‘After Six’ ep. So many things that need to be done, only so many hours in a day. The worst part is that I’m also behind in my online committments: P+P, beta-ing etc. I seriously need a break to destress and get myself together again. ‘Cos, right now, I feel like shit.

Okay, maybe my previous post was a tad melodramatic. What can I say? I had too little sleep, a pounding on-off headache and too much McDonalds. Upsetting news like the character assasination of one of my favourite TV characters pushed me over the edge. ;)

Still downloading the episode (Wooo! 50%!) but I’ve been ruminating on what I’ve heard went on (since I refuse to be completely spoiled)… even though I should be (a) catching up on sleep or (b) doing school work.

I think Sark has an endgame, that is still unknown to everyone. That much is clear, and I’ve always believed that there’s something driving him to do the things he does. JJ may have fallen down my list of esteemed people, but he’s said that Sark’s his favourite character, and I like to think that JJ wouldn’t just fuckin’ kill Sark’s character without some kind of reason in mind. Plus, given what we’ve seen in S3 so far, and what we know of him, I doubt that Sark’s just falling apart. Nuh uh. He has a reason, damnit.

He didn’t seem particularly impressed with Lauren during that carpark scene (their first and only encounter before this episode). Lauren hasn’t done anything particularly impressive since she went baddie; it’s not like she’s this spy extraordinare. In “Crossings”, one episode ago, Sark voiced his dissatisfaction with the Covenant. He didn’t seem particularly attached to Allison when she reappeared, and I presume they’ve had a close relationship in the past.

Yet, we’re supposed to buy that he’s suddenly ga-ga over Lauren? That he suddenly thinks she’s the Best. Spy. Ever? Fuckit. Lauren does NOT deserve “You are so good, do you know that?”. That sentiment belongs to Sydney, damnit! Are they trying to erase Sarkney history? (Grrrrr. Don’t take away all the tiny morsels of shippyness we get, damnit!) And Sark looking scared? He has too much control over his emotions and what he wants people to see, to let himself go like that. There’s also the fact that Lauren murdered his father (although he doesn’t seem to have the fondest feelings for Lazarey); Sark (presumably) wanted revenge on Sydney (Julia) for the pseudo-murder early in the season yet he has a thing for Lauren, the woman who really did murder his father? Pffft.

No way. That is NOT Sark. Not as we’ve seen him. This is more like Pod!Sark. So, I think there’s a reason for all the screwed-up-ness of this episode. Boyfriend is playing everyone. I think taking down the Covenant is part of his current plan, and somehow Lauren plays into that plan. Hell, maybe there’s a bigger plan, and Lauren’s a fucking pawn that will be killed off.

I refuse to believe that he has genuine ‘feelings’ for Lauren, ‘cos it’s preposterous for such feelings to develop (and manifest themselves, no less) in Sark in one effing episode. If this was One Tree Hill, I might buy it… but Alias is, for the most part, an intelligent show. I refuse to believe that Sark, the spymaster that he is, is letting things overwhelm him. He has always, always been in control… of his emotions, at the very least, even when he wasn’t in control of situations. I think he’s been such a brilliant, subtle character so far… and I like to think that JJ cultivated all that for a reason.

Also, “You’re so good, do you know that?” came in an episode (one of my favourites, actually!) when there was deception (Sark not killing Sloane in actuality, though he told Syd he intended to), a new partnership (Irina/Sark/Sloane), and the start of the chain of events that lead to Phase One and so on. So, maybe the re-using of that line may signal similar elements: deception (Sark deceiving Lauren), a new partnership (Sark/Lauren, to bring down the Covenant maybe? Or possibly, lying the foundation for some other alliance), and the start of a chain of events that will lead up to the season finale, where we’ll get a big Sark payoff.

Who knows? Things might turn all right in the end.

[/Sark apologist]

Oh my GOD. I am feeling sick to my stomach. I’m in school, on a break… and I decided to venture to the Sark thread at the Alias TWoP forum to see their reactions to this week’s Alias. And I feel queasy. Reading all their posts makes me feel like NOT watching the episode. Gaaaaah.

Why why WHY? It sounds bad, almost worse than I expected it to be. Grrrr. Damnit, I hate getting emotionally attached to fictional characters. It always, always ends up disappointing me.

It’s the weekend! Wooooo!

I am so freakin’ obssessed with Outkast’s “The Way You Move” that it’s not even funny. Seriously. It’s the only song I’ve been listening to for the past three days or so. It seems like everyone prefers “Hey Ya”… but I just love “The Way You Move” to death. I need to buy their album. Neeeed.

I’ve finally gotten into Outlander. I found the beginning *cough* a little boring and slow… and the first person narrative kinda threw me off but now, I’m really enjoying it. Now if only I can find enough time to really sit down and read it til the end.

My school workload is really picking up. I had an essay due on Thursday (the worst time I had trying to squeeze out 1200 words. Gah), I’ve got a bunch of presentations coming up, a mid-term, and a few more essay deadlines looming in the near future. On the upside, the term is half-over. Heh heh. ;)

I was walking past a cinema the other day and saw a poster for Dirty Dancing 2. WTF? Why the hell they are remaking that? Pffft. Man, it’s been like a month since my last movie… and there are a few that I’ve been meaning to watch, but just haven’t gotten around to due to time constraints. Peter Pan, for one. So that I can perv on that cute Jeremy kid. Heh.

I skipped my morning lecture so that I could watch the Grammys live. I felt a little guilty… but it’s Justin! I had to watch it live on the off-chance that he won something.

And so, of course, I squealed like the fangirl I am when he won Best Male Performance for CMAR. I even got all teary/weepy. I couldn’t help it. I love love love CMAR to bits so I’m unbelievably glad that he won for it. I am so so proud. Even looking at the pictures make me weep-ish. Sniff. And he thanked his fans! Hee. That made me really teary. Gah. And he won Best Pop Album too! SQUEEEEEE!

So, what I learnt today is: once a Justin girl, always a Justin girl. It’s like a lifetime membership. Heh. Ever since he went solo, there have been moments when I’ve been like “Pfffft, Justin.” but underneath it all I still love the guy.

[/fangirl]

I should be sleeping but I had a Venti vanilla latte and a Tall mocha frappucino just now. Buzzzzzz. Unsurprisingly, I’m on a caffeine high.

The swelling in my ankle has subsided considerably, thank goodness. It’s not back to full-strength, but it’s now much more comfortable to walk.

Ventured to town on a Saturday (never again, I say, never again) with Cal to watch Funka. Fun times. Our butts were numb after sitting on the floor for like 3 hours, but still. It was entertaining. I wasn’t completely satisfied with the results though and I preferred it last year when all the choreography was more hip-hop than it was this time round.

I’m now hung up on Britney’s “Boom Boom”. Against my will, I always find myself eventually liking her songs. They’re catchy damnit.

I crumbled and bought the issue of YM with Chad on the cover. Much with the pretty.

I am bored. Bored bored bored.

Note to self: Pay attention when walking down the stairs.

You’d think I would have internalized that by now after a bad incident about 3 years back. I was leaving school with my friends and we were talking/joking while going down this steeper-than-usual stairs. Lo and behold, the graceful swan that I am (NOT!), I didn’t watch where I was stepping, missed the last two steps and fell into a heap at the bottom of the stairs. My left ankle swelled really badly almost immediately and I was so freaked out. It hurt like heeellll, and the doctor told me to get an x-ray in case anything was broken, which scared me. Luckily, nothing was and I was left with a badly sprained ankle and a mental note to take care while walking down stairs.

I’ve been paranoid ever since, but today I lapsed. (Heh) I was reading my notes while walking down the stairs, and yes, I missed two steps and twisted my left ankle. It burned, and my ankle is now a little swollen, but luckily it isn’t as bad as it had been that last time. Still, hobbling from class-to-class and then to the bus-stop was not fun.

Anyway. There’s a lot of hoopla going around about Jess’ return to Gilmore Girls. Let me just say that it’s nice to be a Trory, it really is. We just live in our deluded little world, and nothing bothers us. It’s interesting how the Narco (Dean/Rory) never quite took off, the Lit (Jess/Rory) self-destructed but the Trory is still going pretty strong for considering how one half of the couple is not on the show anymore. Heh heh. I haven’t bothered keeping up with S4, but I heard there was a Trory shoutout during the last ep since Paris called Rory ‘Mary’. Hee! Damn, it’s been almost two seasons since we last saw Tristan, but the nickname lives on. ;)

Suprnova is SO my best friend! The OTH ep is still not up (Why why why?) but I found the Phantom of the Opera CD. Wheeee! *bounce*

I watched PotO in London in 1999 (I think it was ‘99) with my mom. We got seats in the fifth row, I think, and it just so… wonderful. Took my breath away. I loved it so much that I pretty much listened to the soundtrack for like a week straight. Heh. Anyway. I have a special fondness for “All I Ask Of You”. And “The Music of the Night”. And “Masquerade”. And “Think of Me”. But mostly, “All I Ask Of You”. :)

The movie version is gonna be released the end of this year apparently, which will be interesting.

The other SQUEEEE of the day belongs to this. Michael Buble judging on AI! Singing “Sway”! I can only hope that the cute kid (Jon, I think, is his name) with that old-school voice will last long enough to sing in that round.

EDIT: Since I have this habit of keeping ticket stubs from my holidays, I looked for the stub from the theatre when we saw PotO. Yes, it was 1999 (June 21st, actually, which coincidentally, is Prince William’s birthday) and our seats were actually in Row G (which the seventh row, I presume). And we watched it at ‘Her Majesty’s Theatre’.