and i u n f o l d

Took a few deep breaths. Tried to eat dinner, but just didn’t have an appetite. (You know it’s bad when I’m not eating. LOL). Watched GG. (Guh. I have so much love for Logan.) Watched OTH. (I need to get to Wilmy damnit!) Caught up on my emails, got one from Meichan that made me laugh. Heh. Read Grace’s account of her M5 concert, which reminded me of mine, which ultimately made me smile. Heh. Nothing like happy thoughts about Adam to make you feel better. LOL

And *cough* someone IMed me saying, “you’re back!”, which also made me smile. I am so easy, I know.

I feel better now, but there’s still like a tense knot in my stomach. (See Reasons #1-3 in the previous entry). But say it with me: que sera sera. No use getting so worked up about it. I’d deal with whatever happens (esp with #3, which is the one that’s my main worry, actually).

So. *deep breath* We’ll see how it goes.

I have a headache.

Orlando was fun. Spent way too much money. But that’s another story for another day.

There are 2 reasons for my headache- no wait, 3 reasons.

1) Reading quiz tomorrow. Have I read any? No.

2) Paper from HELL? Still not written. And no papers will be accepted after Thursday, which means I have 2 days to do it… which means that I’ll hand it in a week and a half late. Yikes. And guess what? My prof emailed me asking if I was okay cos I haven’t been to class the last two sessions. *headdesk*

3) And the biggest reason of all: bank/debit card problems. I am pissed. I am stressed. Fuckin’ hell. Am hauling ass to the bank tomorrow to see what’s the deal.

*facepalm* I’m telling myself to chill out and deal with one problem at a time and just not freak out, but clearly, that’s not working.

Hope everyone had a good Thanksgiving. I had a good one, although the aftermath seems to be royally kicking my ass.

The paper from HELL? Has not been written. All I have is 60 words of introduction. Heh. I just could not do it in one night- information overload. I only started doing research tonight! This is what I deserve for being a procrastinator. Blaaaaah.

So, I’m forced to lug Tristan (my laptop) with me to Orlando, where I will somehow find the time to read all the information I’ve saved and write a decent paper. And it has to be a decent paper cos I know I will get an awful grade for handing in a bad paper late. Oyyyy.

Instead, I’ve been chatting to my friends about a topic that I can’t seem to escape. Mehhhh.

Still caffeinated. Heh. I felt awful this morning. I skipped my morning class and only went for Mid-Evil History so that I could hand in my paper. Heh. After lunch, I crashed for like 4 hours. Then I recaffeinated myself. Hahahaha. Oh, my sleeping patterns are so screwed.

My family’s going to NY! Yaaaay! That means I actually won’t be home til Dec 28th. Heh. Christmas in NY is gonna be awesome. :)

Orlandddoooo. Warm weather. Can’t wait. Even though I have to finish this paper while on the trip. Heh.

So I’m awake at an ungodly hour. I’m not gonna sleep. And am I doing anything productive? No.

*facepalm*

Once exhaustion hits me, I know I’m gonna feel like crap.

I’m in panic mode. Except that… I’m not really. Papers are nowhere near done… I’m feeling the heat but I’m not really feeling the pressure yet. I mean, I’m kinda like going, “Fuccccck!” in my head, but otherwise I don’t feel especially motivated to do anything. Blaaaah. I think it’s that feeling you get towards the end of the semester when you just feel worn out.

Had a great dinner tonight with good company. Mike invited a bunch of us for dinner at his family’s restaurant. We had sushi and Thai food, and oh hell, that was damn good stuff. I’m glad I went (and called Mike out on his JT mancrush! Hahahaha), especially since I wasn’t doing anything productive with my time anyway. Heh.

I lovelovelove i2hub. If you’re a college student and you don’t have it yet, I say, “Daaaamn. Go get it NOW.” Damn good stuff. I’ve been on a major downloading spree. Heehee. The songs that have been playing in clubs? I have them on my iPod now. Muahahaha. I’m so pleased with myself.

Danny got a free iPod. I hate him. LOL. After seeing the cheesy as hell pics of him and his iPod, I convinced him to name it. Hahaha. He decided on Gisele and so, it’s Gigi for short. LOL. Gigi and Juju (which is mine). Awwww. How cute. Hahahah.

Oooh, I also got the video from Saturday’s performance. Daaaaammmn, we were so good. I think we might’ve been better than we were at Journey. I mean, Journey was amazing and the atmosphere was so electric… but we looked much more put together at State. Plus, there were fewer of us there so the stage looked less cluttered and messy. And holyfuck! The boys were so so much better. They were so good. They were on point in “4 My People”. Two in particular (you know who I’m talking about… and the other is actually his roomie, who’s hot stuff too. Daaaamn, that is one hot room. Hahahahha) were just wow. Their freestyle made my jaw drop. It’s amazing how “competition” (not that Fusion was competition, really… there was no question who was better. LOL) can rev you up and raise your game. And I suppose now we’ve done this routine so many times that we can almost do it in our sleep. Heh.

Does anyone have any songs/albums/artists to recommend? I wanna *cough* download more stuff. Heh.

So, um…. back to work?

P/S: I am sooooo caffeinated, it’s not even funny. I’m gonna be awake alllll night. Yaaaaay!

I can’t imagine how it feels to be completely in love with someone… and then to have your heart broken.

I don’t wanna imagine it.

Performances yesterday and today. I’m all worn out. Tonight was pretty good though; we kicked Fusion’s (dance team at State) ass and showed them how it’s done. Heh. The rivalry between us is kinda amusing.

I got like maybe 8 hours of sleep last night and I woke up feeling pretty good, but today sucked the life out of me. And the thought of doing work is giving me a headache. I am so tired. Orlando is gonna be a nice getaway. Expensive as fuck, but nice. I hope so, at least.

Erm, more crap behind the cut.
(more…)

I feel kinda ehhhhh today. I think it’s lack of sleep, part kinda-falling-sick, part-PMS and part gah-the-world-sucks. Don’t ask me why I feel this way. I dunno. Though I suspect that the whole one-month-left thingy is a big part of the reason.

It really hit me yesterday, while I was lying in bed trying to fall asleep (dude, my sleeping habits are so screwed up, it’s sick), that I have so little time here. One week in Orlando and then a week of classes before classes end… and then exams. And then, bye bye bye.

*headdesk*

Depressing as shit.

My somewhat crummy mood can also be attributed to the MASSIVE stress I’m anticipating this weekend. I have a research paper to do that I need to hand up on Monday night, before I leave for Orlando. Have I started at all? Umm, no. *facepalm* I haven’t even decided what topic I’m gonna write on. That’s gonna be 7-8 pages of pure, unadulterated HELL. The worst part is that most of my Saturday will be spent at NC State cos Kamikazi is performing at a show there. Gaaaaaah.

And I have a short paper for Mid-Evil History too. And research has not been done either.

Dead. I am dead.

I put up the first part of the full Kazi performance at Journey. I had to massively compress it so it’s grainy as hell (when you watch it at 200%), but you’ll get the general idea of what it looked like. Heh. Videos are all here and it’s the jia1.wmv file.

I am in desperate, desperate need of caffeine.

*evil laughter*

The full clips of the performance is now my grubby little hands. Muahahahah. And quelle surprise! I have not stopped watching them. Adddicctiiiveeeee.

First, let me indulge in a little self-love. I seriously did not know that I could dance like that. Heh. Being in Kazi has unleased some kind of inner groove or something that I don’t think I had before. Of course, two years of being in Blast helped a lot, but the style of dance we do here has totally given me something else altogether. Like I can watch this performance, and there is no cringing at all. That’s helluva lot of progress yo. Then again, I was really feeling the energy during the performance, so that can account for why I was so good that night. Heh. But honestly. I think I’ve never danced better. *grin*

Ohhh. I am gonna miss this team so damn much. *sniff*

Anyway. How pleased am I that this clip is much clearer? Heehee. Cos you can see the part YKW and I did together. *grin* You know what I’m gonna say: we are so cute together. Hahahahaha. I completely have the right to squee about this. Heh. (I totally did not realize that his hand was on my back. Heh. Which tells you how into the performance I was. LOL)

The whole performance looked reaaaally awesome though. I’m gonna try and see if I can compress the files somehow and put them up. Although I can imagine what a nightmare uploading them will be. Oyyy.

Thank goodness I only got the clips today. Cos if I had gotten them yesterday… I would have been so distracted and my paper would have not been written. Hahahaa.

:P

ETA: I did manage to put some clips that were taken using Aishah’s digicam. Some were from Friday night (those are the ones where we’re wearing blue t-shirts) and some from Saturday. They’re all here, if you wanna see. I’m gonna see if I can put up the Saturday’s full performance. Cos that one was awwwessomee. :)

Had the most fun MSN conversation with Cal and Ying Lan. Heh heh. (excerpt behind the cut… heh. Cos it really cracked me up.)

Dirrrrty dirrty girls who are evil for encouraging me. Actually, alllll my friends are evil for encouraging me. LOL. I know y’all are being supportive and all, and I love you guys for it…. but damn, tell me I’m being stupid. Burst my little bubble. Bring me back to reality. Heh.

Instead, I get “Lure him away from his girlfriend!”. Hahahah. Or “Do something about it!”. Or “Maybe he’s into you too.” Or…. you get the idea. LOL.

Y’all are a baaaad influence on a girl who’s trying desperately to not do anything stupid. Heh.

Okay. I need to get to class. Damned Mid-Evil history. Gaaaaah. On the upside, this can be my naptime. LOL.

(more…)

Dear Self,

Please please please, for the sake of your own sanity (and your grade!) stop watching the evil!videos. You can do it: just press stop, close the Media Player and don’t open it again… until, say, tomorrow. No, let’s be ambitious and not open it until after Wednesday.

Exercise some self-control and get working on the paper!

No love at all,
Me

Clearly, procrastination is a disease. I have a paper for my Western Civ class due on Wednesday morning and I need to start on it and do most of it today, cos Tuesday evening is TV-night (Gilmore Girls! One Tree Hill! He’s a Lady! 3 hours of TV yo). But my brain doesn’t wanna cooperate. Damnit.

The videos are eviiiillllll. Can’t. Stop. Watching. *headdesk* And I’m irritated ‘cos I’m trying to upload them and it’s so effing slow. I think I’m behind a firewall or something, cos it really shouldn’t take so long to upload esp. since I managed to make the files smaller. Grrrr. Irri-freakin’-tated.

And so I decided to do something and I put up photos from Saturday. *grin*

Thanksgiving plans have been made. Going to Orlando, baby! That should be fun. And warm. Daaaang, I’ve missed warm weather. Probably gonna hit the theme parks… and say hello to Mickey. LOL.

Crap. Now I feel sleepy. Hmm… nap?

I swear to God, he has a fuckin’ radar. I was just watching the video clips from yesterday (and thinking, “Oh fuck, he is hottttt!”). And yes, I realize that I should cut myself off from the videos in order to get over this shit… but they’re addictive yo. And then my computer does that beepy thing it does when someone IMs me.

Oy. *facepalm*

Same thing happened the other day. I wasn’t thinking of him per se, but I guess he was on my mind sorta. And then he IMed me. And made me smile. But whatever. Not the point of this rant.

Seriously. Someone up there is messing with my head. For the love of all things nice and sparkly, please… no. I do not want a recurrence of that melodrama, and all the damned ups and downs. Don’t encourage the crush yo. *cough* It needs no encouragement.

Despite having 12 hours of nice, uninterrupted (by an alarm) sleep, I still feel tired. And I ache everywhere. And my voice is hoarse for some weird reason. Hmmm.

Anyway. Like I mentioned, last night was really really great. The performance was like the best. ever. All the hard work this week (practice every day!) paid off in a major way. I lovelovelove the team. I’m gonna miss them very much. Sigh.

Aishah took some video footage, so naturally I’ve been watching them. Heh. I still want to watch the full performance though, so hopefully I can get my hands on that soon-ish. I really love the clips though. And fuccccckkkkk. YKW is so effing hot yo. Guhhh. The part that we did together was soooo cute; I just wish it had been brighter cos we were at the far end, and it was like dark-ish. Heehee. Still, that was a lot of fun. Too much fun, actually. LOL. ;)

Umm… what else? I was part of the fashion show and I wore “modern” clothes (short skirt and a black clubby top). That went alright. I was the last one, and there was some screw-up with the music but it all worked out.

I took some pictures, so hopefully I’ll get the time to put them up soon. Mike gave my camera to his friend to get pictures of the fashion show, but since the friend didn’t know who we were, I ended up with pics of random people instead. Heh. That was a DUH moment.

Got a bunch of pics with the girls on Kteam. Heh. Some of those are crazy.

The little 14 year-old in me squee-d when I got a pic with him. Heehee. We look so cute together. Hahahaha. Whatever. I need to stop being such an idiot when it comes to him.

The afterparty wasn’t as great as I thought it’d be. Maybe cos my long day had caught up with me, and I was feeling tired. (Oh, I didn’t mention that I had to wake up at the crack of dawn to get tickets for basketball. Rehearsals all day. And working on only 3 hours of sleep.) Some of it had to do with him and his girlfriend. And the party was more full of strangers than ASA people, so it was just kinda weird to me. It had a different vibe from what I expected. Also, I’ve come to the conclusion that SpiceStreet plays baaaad music.

And fuck. It was freezing cold. I was effing shivering when we got out of the car to go to the club and vice versa. Geeeez. (Found out that it was 0 degrees, so I really was freezing.)

Some time ago, I said that I’ve stopped dwelling on my crush, that I’ve become all zen about it. That clearly provided to be untrue after I got all bummed out about not dancing with him. But seriously, I’m gonna try my damnest to really stop thinking about it. There’s just no point.

You know my mantra by now: Stupid and pointless.

I’m gonna spend the rest of the night just chillin’ in my room. More rest is needed.