and i u n f o l d

(Ahahaha. The entries just keep coming! Say it with me: boredom sucks.)

My aunts and my grandma are here, and my mom plugged in our digicam to our tv to show them our photos from New York. In one of the memory cards are some photos from the Kazi dinner, cos I hadn’t had the chance to delete them yet.

So, as the photos flashed onscreen, they were asking me who the people in the pics are and blahblahblah. Then came the photo of me and YKW- my mom went, “Who’s the guy?” in a slightly curious, is-there-something-going-on tone of voice. I was like thinking, ‘WTF? Does she have ESP?’ and said, “He’s my friend.”

Hahahahaha.

Classic, so classic.

Okay, fine, I have absolutely no self-control whatsoever. I logged onto AIM. I’m not surprised. Hahaha. But in my defence, I’M BORED AS HELL. (As if you couldn’t tell from the numerous entries in the span of 24 hours.)

In other news, I’m almost convinced that Jesse McCartney is the other Carter brother. I watched his AOL Sessions performance of “Beautiful Soul”, and damn the boy not only looks like a Carter, he sings like a Carter and performs kinda like one. Geeeez. He sounds pretty decent live too.

And damnit, that song is catchy!

My room is still a mess. Not enough closet space! Grrrr. I’m staring at the pile of clothes and books… and I know I should do something about it. Hah. Hasn’t happened yet. I am so lazy. Who knows? I might be bored enough to clean up today. Maybe. Hahahah.

I really wanna read a trashy romance novel. 4 months of deprivation! Gaaaah. Not that reading a romance novel will help my frame of mind, but whatever. Alas, I’m actually too lazy to drag my ass out of my room/house and go to the library.

So, really, I have no one but myself to blame for my boredom.

ETA: Oy, I am such a sucker. But is that even a surprise? No. Sigh. Oh well.

Despite only getting to bed at 5am (where I proceeded to listen to music on Juju for half an hour. Heh), I somehow woke up at around 9.30am. Freakish. I tried to go back to sleep, but it just wasn’t happening, so I figured I might as well be up and about.

I had iced lemon tea. And it tastes different from the sweet tea I’ve been drinking while in NC. Heh. It’s like lemony, not sweet. Hahahaha. Duh.

Out of complete and utter boredom (I’m telling myself to stay away from AIM- we’ll see how long that resolve lasts), I’ve been rediscovering my fandom love. Cal told me about this great, great site called The Footage Project and it meets all your NSYNC/[insert favourite NSYNC member]/BSB needs. It is, simply put, online Heaven for Puppy fans. Heehee.

I watched CMAR performances… and damn, how much do I love Justin? A lot (”"). That boy is the original White Boy Who Can Dance. Hahahahah. Seriously though, he is so. good. And so damn hot. Who do I have to bribe/maim/kill in order to see him live?

And CMAR is definitely my fave Justin song. I can never ever get sick of that song. It is brilliance; Timbaland is the shit yo. And the choreography? Kicks all kinds of ass. (Marty Kudelka, I love you. Almost as much as I love Wade. Hehehehe.)I wanna learn it! But my fave CMAR performance is still the MTV Spankin’ New Music one… cos that’s the only one where he sings the entire song. And that one is just spot-on- the vocals, the moves, everything.

(And yes, I think my attraction to guys who can dance stems from my boyband love. Damn you, Timberlake!)

And then I ventured to the JC section. And realized that I’m a bad JC fan. Like, OMG, I hadn’t seen all the AOL Sessions! Hahahah. So I downloaded the “Dear Goodbye” one… and fucccck, how much do I love that song? (Almost as much as I love “Lose Myself”…. damnit, why isn’t there a live version of that song somewhere?) And JC sounds really good singing it. Sigh.

And now I’m downloading NSYNC footage. So much! It’s hard to decide which ones I wanna download first. But I realize that I’ve seen a lot of it already, courtesy of Cal and her Puppy crack (aka her gazillion tapes with NSYNC footage). But I miss the Pups, and you can never watch enough Puppy footage. Hahahaha. So, I’m downloading “This I Promise You” from Snowed In… which is such a pretty pretty performance, with the snow, and the boys in snowgear, and the first time they (or rather, JC) sang the bridge, and the fangirls crying while JC’s singing. It’s just classic yo. :)

And yesterday, I was rediscovering my David Anders love. (Not that it was ever lost yo.) Cos I saw the Alias promo (OMG! That’s all I have to say.) and just about died. And then I saw the CNN interview with him and Greg Grunberg… and geez, he (David, that is) is so gorgeous. I love the way he dresses. And the hair! I miss the hair.

I miss Sark; can’t wait for Alias to premiere and the Sark eps. February can’t come soon enough.

And how psyched am I that the next HP book is coming out next year? Almost psyched as I am for the next movie. Heheheh.

I am a fangirl, yes I am. :)

Against my better judgment, I find that I kinda like that Jesse McCartney song “Beautiful Soul”. I remember hearing it on the radio maybe like a month ago, and it was catchy, despite being slightly trite, cheesy and kinda gay. Hahahah. And now, I like it. Oy. I dunno, it’s a cute song… and the sentiment is nice despite the cheesiness. And no, this has nothing to do with the fact that he looks like the lost Carter brother. LOL.

Fine, fine: I admit it, I like cheesy pop songs. It’s another one of my character flaws. Heh.

My family (by family, I mean my mother) is irritating the crap out of me. I was annoyed and in a not-so-great mood during our sojourn in New York, but I chalked it up to being stuck with the fam 24/7. Alas, I guess I was wrong. Or my bad mood has followed me all the way home. ‘Cos, damn, I really don’t feel like talking or interacting with the family (ie, my mother). For the past 2 days, I’ve mostly been holed up in my room. Online. Or sleeping. Or listening to music on Juju. I only ventured to the living room for like half an hour today when I ate dinner and watched MTV. (It was the TRL with Maroon 5! Guh. I lovelovelove Adam.) Then, it was back to my room… and back online. And I can’t really tell you what I’ve been doing online, cos I haven’t really been doing anything. Okay, fine, I was drooling over the Pretty that is David Anders. How psyched am I for the new Alias season? I miss Sark.

I just feel really anti-social. And I don’t wanna be. I can feel myself slipping back to the way I was; not that it was a bad thing, but I learned that I could be social, that I could be out there actually living life and not spend hours and hours online or whatever. I mean, I did spend hours online in C. Hill, but not the way I did before when I was quasi-involved in online communities and fandom and all that stuff. Y’know?

Blaaaaah. Bidding for classes is starting. I still have little/no idea which classes I actually wanna take.

I wanna watch The Phantom Of The Opera movie! *bounce* I hope it’s good.

My cellphone is not working. Bitttch. And I don’t know why. (Part of the reason I’m irritated with mommy dearest is that I asked her to call customer service to find out what’s wrong (cos the account is under her name), but she said she’d call tomorrow, and it was partly the way she said it or it just rubbed me the wrong way, and it pissed me off. Argh. Whatever.) Stupid SIM card.

Okay, I really need to STOP listening to “Beautiful Soul”. Hahahahaha.

Out of boredom (and my inability to fall asleep at 4.30am), I was surfing through some blogs and came across this link. It’s an article from the Washington Post (you’ll need to register to read it, I think) about the phenomena of having a crush on a friend (and the agony that ensues). It’s an interesting article (and so true) and it had a reference to a column in a college paper written some time ago.

And that column?

“What She Doesn’t Know Will Kill You” by Matt Brochu

I think the column speaks for itself.

I’m home.

People have been asking me how I feel about being home. And I’ve said the same thing: it makes the last 4 months feel like a dream. A sublime, wonderful, sweet dream, but a dream nonetheless. It’s a memory now, and I’ll always have it… but it feels surreal. Maybe because it was such an awesome time of my life, that it almost feels like it couldn’t have been real. It feels like an out-of-body experience- like there was some other version of me who was in Carolina while the real boring ol’ me was actually here, living my normal life.

I have all these stuff- ticket stubs, club wrist bands, pictures, and other random stuff that would mean nothing to everyone else but mean everything to me. And those are the things are remind me that it did happen. That I was there, did all those things, met all those people.

It’s just… weird. Sleeping in my own bed was weird, cos I had been used to sleeping in the top bunk in my dorm room. Using my desktop computer instead of my laptop is weird. Everything is so familiar, but alien at the same time.

So what happens when the grass really is greener on the other side?

I’ve always, always wanted to study abroad. I remember receiving college applications in the mail, and being excited at the prospect of studying overseas. Then my preliminary exam results came out, and I knew that I wouldn’t be able to get in with those grades. And then I was too busy studying and busting my ass off to do better that actually applying was a secondary thought. Then the ‘A’ Level results came out, and I did well, but not well enough to get a scholarship. Without a scholarship, I knew that I could not study in the States.

And yes, I was bitter about it. Coming from a good school where almost every other person is studying overseas (and most with scholarships), you tend to have higher expectations. That was why I went to RJC (that’s Raffles Junior College) in the first place; I knew it would give me a leg-up in that desire to study overseas. It did help, in the end, but it just wasn’t enough. The competition was just too steep.

Anyway. The past 4 months have been what I expected and wanted college to be like. A 4-year experience compressed into 4 months. A little scary, a lot exciting, and just an all-round enriching experience. Being in NUS has not done that for me, and I can’t say I’m surprised. Being in USP has helped a lot, cos it’s such an intellectually-stimulating program (even though I bitch about it a lot), but the overall university life here is nothing like what I expected or wanted.

So, yes, the grass is damn well greener on the other side. I loved the classes I took, I loved the classroom atmosphere. The campus is absolutely beautiful. And the sense of community is awesome, and I loved the school spirit. Like I said, it was exactly what I expected college life to be like. I loved every minute.

Hmm… ramblings at 3am, when I’m suffering from jet lag.

New York was okay. Being with the family again 24/7 after 4 months of being on my own nearly drove me insane. But, otherwise, it was good. Cold as hell, but good. The big tree at Rockefeller and the skating rink was just like out of the movies. Heh. And it snowed, which was nice. Heh.

I saw Julia Stiles while walking in Soho. Heh. Did a double take, cos I wasn’t sure it was really her.

Went a taping for MTV2, which was interesting. It was for a Brit rock/alt band called Razor Light, and they weren’t too bad.

And now I’m back home, back to reality. I need to finish unpacking, clear my closet, and decide what classes to take next semester. I did pretty well this semester, which is great. Heh. I got 2 A-s, 2 B+s and a B- (which was for Medieval History! Hah, I can’t believe I got a B-!). So, I did good. *pats self on back*

I wish I wasn’t so wide awake.

Oh. My. God. Packing has almost given me a nervous breakdown. Stupid me opened the large suitcase. Biiiiiig mistake. Cos I had helluva time trying to fit in everything I wanted… it took me hours (and the use of 4 of them travel spacebags thingys) and I finally won the battler at like 3am. Only to find that I still some odds and ends to pack… (ie. my stuffed dolphin, my JT poster, toiletries and the like)

I am dead. I feel so mentally and physically drained.

Okay, I admit: I shoulda just bought another luggage. But no, I had to be over-optimistic about the luggage space I have. Sigh. The actual “problem” is shoes: I bought two pairs of sneakers, a pair of heels and I had brought flat sandals and another pairs of heels with me. That equals a lot of shoes. And they take up a lot of space. Oh well. I also realized that I brought a lot of junk with me. Like a bunch of notebooks, that I didn’t actually use. Hopefully once I join my family, we can re-distribute/re-pack some of my crap. In the meantime, I hope that my Nike duffel bag (which is full to the max) will live.

Anyway. Off the awful subject of packing.

I had dinner tonight with Alex, like a proper farewell dinner. We went to this lovely Mexican restaurant. The food was good (I got fajitas, and it was one hell of a serving) and it was pretty cheap, so it was all good. Heh. Then we went to watch “Closer”… which was interesting. My brain is too dead to talk about it now… but I might sometime, when I’m bored and decide contemplate on love and relationships. LOL. It was a good night, and I’m glad that I got to say a proper goodbye to her. :) It was awesome rooming with her and hanging out. I really lucked out in the roommate department. :)

So… this is it. The end of the road. The last hurrah. My bags are (mostly) packed. I can’t really say that I’m ready to go… but I guess I’m as ready as I’ll ever be. I’m off to New York, meeting my family again, and going back to my normal (hum-drum) life. Heh.

Meanwhile. I need to sleep. My (mis-)adventures in New York will probably be chronicled when I get back home. And you know you’re gonna hear me whine and bitch about how much I miss C. Hill. Hehehehe.

:)

My last day in Chapel Hill. Sniff. I’ve been packing little by little the past few days (whenever I didn’t feel like studying or procrastinating. Heh) and I’m almost done. I just have a few more things to stuff… and my damned comforter. Gah. I wanna bring it home with me, but it’s bulky and I have no idea how it’s gonna fit. Blaaaaah. Which is why I’m considering getting a second piece of luggage (the current count is one big luggage, 2 duffel bags and my lap-top bag).

It is so weird and so surreal to be leaving. I remember how excited I was months ago about coming and how much I was anticipating it. And then actually being here the first week or so, and trying to orient myself to the lifestyle here and trying to be social and meet new people.

Wow.

So much has happened in the past 4 months. All of it really good; I can’t think of one bad thing. There is not one bad memory at all. It has just been like the best time of my life. :) And needless to say, I feel very lucky and blessed and loved (by my parents, who paid for everything and let me go) for getting the chance to do this.

Anddd…. what would an blog entry about my experience here be without a mention of YKW?

(It’s allll behind the cut baby! And some of y’all have probably heard me squee about it already. Hahahaha.)

(more…)

The Kazi dinner tonight was lovely. I really enjoyed myself. And it was such a different atmosphere from our first dinner, way back when the team was first formed. Heh. Clearly, we’ve gotten a lot more comfortable with each other.

It was a fun night. Dinner was good (though I’m still feeling hungry now, cos that was the only meal I had all day) and Day was a very gracious hostess. She baked cookies! Hee. She’s so adorable, I love her.

There was a little slideshow done by Liana, which essentially summed up the semester. Heh. That was fun. Then we watched videos of our performances…. we got a better clip of the one at Journey, and damn, we were off the hooooook that night. That clip was great and we were great that night. Heh. After that, there was a little flashback to the past as we watched old Kazi videos from years past. Hehehe. Then came the Awards. I won Fave Newbie! LOL. Beating out Danny. That was nice. The award, not beating Danny. Hahahah. (He later tried to moon me as payback. LOL. Dude, once was enough! Hahaha.)

Then came the hard part of the night: saying goodbye to everyone. :( Hopefully I might see a few of them again before I leave, since I’ll be here til Saturday.

Saying goodbye was harder than I thought it would be. I knew it would be hard… but actually doing it just kinda breaks your heart a little. In such a short time, I’ve built memories with these people that I will never forget. And for it to end now is a tough pill to swallow when you know that there are more good times ahead. But! It has to be done. And goodbye doesn’t have to be forever.

I promised myself that I wouldn’t cry, and I didn’t (at least, until I got to the privacy of my room). I got a card, and I was reading the messages in there when I got back… and I just lost it. (YKW’s message didn’t help at all yo. Let’s not get me started on that.) They also gave me a lovely framed photo of the team. Awww. That’s going on my desk in my room back home. :) Then I wrote a nice e-mail to everyone, thanking them for everything, and that got the waterworks going again. Fuckin’ hell. I am such a girl.

Sigh.

Saying bye to certain people was harder. And no, I’m not just talking about YKW. LOL. The people that I’ve grown especially close to… that wasn’t too much fun. But, there’s AIM and emails and maybe me coming back to visit, hopefully. So…

And yes, saying goodbye to him was hard for me. I hugged him real tight like a bazillion times. Hehehe. Okay, I’m obviously exaggerating. LOL. But I think that in my mind I don’t want it to be the end, and so it didn’t feel like the end to me. Eh? You know what I mean. I hope. Hmmm… a sliver of optimism in my melancholia? ;)

He was really sweet though. He told me he’d miss me, and I might have returned the sentiment except that I can’t remember cos I was enjoying the hug. LOL. Geez. Anyway. He also said he’ll send me a DVD of all our performances. Yayness! :) (And that led to hug #2. Hahahaha. I was uncharacteriscally extra girly tonight and totally milking it. Hehehehe.)

Okay, wait. Maybe I did hug him a bazillion times. Hahahahah. Hugged him again, cos it was him who actually gave me the gift (it was from the team, but like he gave it to me). Hmm… I hugged YKW’s roomie a few times too. Hahahah. Okay fine, I admit it. I’m a sucker for the residents of the Room of Hotness. LOL. They’re hotttt dancers, what can I say? Hehehe. And they’re such sweet guys. Gaaah. YKW’s roomie is so cute yo.

Anyway. Took me awhile to get around to saying a few words to the people I especially wanted to speak to, and since I was getting a ride back with someone, I held up a car. LOL. Like whenever I went, “Okay, I have to go, they’re waiting for me,” someone would go, “Waaaait!”. Hehehe. But it was all good. :) One last bye, one last round of hugs (hehehehe)… and that was that.

Seriously though, I’ve met and gotten to know some really great people… and I’m so unbelievably glad that I tried out for the team. Without a doubt, one of the best things (if not THE best, and I think it might be the best) I did here. I have so many great, wonderful memories to treasure. :)

And pictures of tonight are all posted here.

You know you’re a failure when you screw up something as simple as popcorn. LOL. Seriously though, all I did was run to the water cooler, and I guess I shoulda stopped the mircrowave. So now I’m stuck with semi-burnt popcorn. Eww. I still have two cookies though. :)

Today has been an unproductive day. I read maybe 5 pages in total. Oyy. Fell asleep while reading my mid-evil history text. Heh. Clearly, my room is not the most conducive place to study. On the upside I started packing. I think I might actually be able to fit all my crap in my luggage. Hahahah. We’ll see. I still need to do a last load of laundry on Tuesday/Wednesday.

Alex left today, after her exam. She has another one next week, but she said she probably won’t be back in the room. So I’m all by my lonesome. It’s kinda like back to the first few days when I arrived, when I was all alone too. Except now I have more crap and my Justin poster to keep my company. Heh.

So, my little resolve not to talk about him? Failed, unsurprisingly. Heh. Talked to Hani over MSN, and that girl is such a little matchmaker. She had a wealth of suggestions… one of which was really cute/creative. I may or may not actually do it. We’ll see. :) LOL

I talked to my mom tonight. Towards the end of the conversation, she asked me if I had met somebody interesting. Hahahaha. I was like, “Huh?”. I had mentioned YKW in passing to her ages ago, and so I just told her that this guy I’m into has a girlfriend (”What? The same guy on the dance team?” LOL). So she goes into Mom-mode (the whole there’s-someone-out-there-for-you spiel blahblahblah) and then she actually said, “Don’t leave your heart there.” (or something to that effect). My response was, “No, no, that would be bad.” (I’m not that far gone yo.) And she wants to hear about this when I see her again. Oy. I told her I’ve been talking about it way too much to my friends, and she gets a little huffy that I haven’t told her about it. Double oy.

Seriously, I’ll just keep my mouth shut as much as possible from now on. Hahaha. Hello mouth, insert foot.

I have over 1000 songs on Juju! Much thanks to the loveliness that is i2hub. Best. Program. Ever. Awesomeness. And I’ve realized a lot of those 1000+ songs are sad/sappy/depressing/emo. Daaaamn. I need to get more dance-y/upbeat/happy music. Oh, I found this gorgeous live acapella mp3 of “I’ll Never Break Your Heart” and it totally brought me back to my teenie-BSB loving days. Heh. They were/are really good, I had forgotten that. Heh.

And I was listening to that Siti Nurhaliza song, “Aku Cinta Padamu”. Very odd (that I was listening to it). I really like the song though… and Malay really is a pretty poetic language. (And now I wait for thunder to smite me, cos I never thought I’d say that. Hah.) And she has a great voice, I think. I couldn’t find that other song of hers that I like (title eludes me right now… all i know is that she looked damn pretty in the video. Hahaha. “Jawapan something or other?” I dunno.). Then again, I was surprised that I managed to find that one song on i2hub anyway. Heh.

2am, I’m awake and bored. Maybe I might try to study. Hahaha. Might as well do something constructive with my awake-time.

Oh, I put up pics from Orlando and the dinner party and the basketball game. All of them are here.

2 finals down, 3 to go. Thank goodness, this weekend is gonna be a nice reprieve cos my two finals were on Wednesday and Thursday. So I get to breathe a little. I might actually start packing (!) this weekend. Hoping to maybe take a walk around campus… take some photos. Going to my second, and last (!), basketball game on Sunday evening. Hmm… what else? Oh, I need to sell back some of my books.

8 days to departure (from Chapel Hill, that is). Wow. It’s so funny to think that I’ve been here 4 months. It went by in a snap. Time has never seemed to pass this quickly. But, as they say, time flies when you’re having fun.

Next week’s gonna be hard. 3 finals (including the killer one for Mid-Evil History!). Packing. Saying goodbye. That last one will definitely be the hardest by far.

[gushy girl talk] Talking to YKW makes me smile. I can’t seem to help it. LOL. We were studying/quizzing each other/freaking out on AIM before the final… and towards the end, we ended up having a really nice conversation. Hee. That totally validates my feeling that we’ve gotten more comfortable with each other. Which is nice, y’know. And and and… he asked me for my home address. Heehee. :) Which is a good sign that we’re gonna keep in touch.

I need to stop thinking about him. Damnit. Much much easier said than done, unfortunately. I need to stop talking to people about him. Okay, seriously, if I’m chatting with you on MSN or something… don’t bring him up. No, wait, don’t let me bring him up. If I mention him, tell me to shut up. LOL. Sometimes… I wonder how I got to be so damn crazy over him. And the answer? Proximity. [/gushy girl talk]

I’ve been downloading non-stop from i2hub. Bwahahahah. I now have almost 1000 songs in Juju. Hee! But, naturally, I have favourites that I listen to more than others.

Oh crap. I still need to use my $20 Amazon gift cert that Valerie, Jing Wen and Vanessa gave me for my birthday. I’ve been leaning towards buying the Justin Live in London DVD… but I’m also thinking about maybe getting an iPod skin. Hmmm. I need to decide this weekend so that whatever I buy gets here before I leave (!).

I talked to my mom yesterday… and she sounds positively gleeful about seeing me again so soon. Whereas I’m like, “Noooo… I don’t wanna leave!”. Heh.

Kazi dinner on Monday. That’s something to look forward… and to dread at the same time. Sigh. Goodbyes suck.

I swear, Jann Arden’s “You Don’t Know Me” is like one of the most bittersweet songs ever. And it’s on the soundtrack of one bittersweet movie too. Sigh.

Okay. For the sake of my own sanity, I should just stop listening to this song.

My first final is in… about 7 hours. Eeek. I’m freaking out, but not really. I wanna do well, but at the end of the day, I’ll only get credit, so my grades don’t actually matter. So it’s just basically my pride that’s on the line. Heh. I was actually studying and catching up on my reading for most of today. I was at the Union for like 7 hours, and I feel so tired. I just really wanna sleep. Which I’ll probably will be doing within the next half hour.

I’m very good at denial. Almost too good, I think. So when reality hits me, it’s like a punch in the face. And then one of two things happen: a) I fall deeper into denial; or b) I (grugdingly) accept reality. Interestingly, I don’t do self-denial; I’m very honest with myself, even if I’m not honest with other people. There’s no point in lying to yourself about your own feelings and thoughts. But I excel at denial of other things/situations/whatever.

I swear, I’m usually anything but a needy girly girl who needs a man… but damn, having someone special would be really really nice. And I’m not referring to YKW, although I admit that this increased desire for a boyfriend was partly brought about by him. It’s just that sometimes, it’s hard not to feel lonely when you see couples, or when you watch a sappy movie with that happy ending, or when it’s cold out and you wish you had someone who would wrap their arms around you.

It makes you think… where is The One? When is my happy ending gonna come along? And you’d like to think that eventually it will happen… but you just wish it’d come along sooner than later.

John Mayer’s “Love Song For No One” is so the theme song of my love life (or lack thereof). :)

In case you haven’t deduced by now, I’m on a downward swing of the Crush pendulum. Don’t ask why. I wouldn’t know how to put it into words anyhow.

I like can’t think straight right now, so don’t mind me if I’m not making any coherent sense. Melancholia, tiredness and stress can really do a number on a girl.

Last day of class.

I’m in such a melancholy mood, even though I’ve been telling myself not to feel this way. Listening to sad/sappy/depressing songs do not help at all. I need to put some upbeat songs on my iPod. LOL.

I was talking to YKW just now. Y’know, I’ve stopped thinking of him as YKW in my head. Anyway. It hit me that that was the last time we would be walking out of class together and walking that same route back to the main area of campus (ie the Lenoir area). And it’s incredibly saddening to me cos I feel like we’re getting more and more comfortable with each other and more able to talk and all that. I feel like the friendship is moving along… and now, I’m leaving. And it sucks so bad.

I’m gonna miss him so much. Him, as a person and my friend, and him, as the guy I’ve been crushing on virtually since I got here. He’s been such a part of my experience here, and I think that whenever I think back on these last 4 months, he’ll be one of the things that come to mind. Heehee. I mean, he’s one the subjects I’ve been consistently blogging about since I got here! LOL.

In a (twisted) way, I’m glad that my crush on him has come to nothing. Leaving is hard enough already… and if something had happened (with him, or if it had been another guy), it would probably kill me to leave.

Fuck. I’m listening to that Nelly and Tim McGraw song… it’s bloody effing depressing. Gaaaah.

The Kazi performance was bittersweet. My last one. It went well, as usual. Although I kinda skinned my knee cos I was wearing a skirt the whole way through and there’s this one move where we have to slide on the ground. That hurt like a mofo when I showered this morning.

Some of the Kazi peeps were like semi-saying goodbye to me… and that was kinda sad. But we’re having a dinner get-together thingy next week, so I’ll see most of them at least one more time. That get-together will probably be the last time I see YKW too… but let’s not depress myself further.

Today, I’m really gonna buckle down and start studying. A lot of people started over the weekend, but lazy me was just doing nothing. Heh. I only got a B+ for my Western Civ paper, so I can’t completely slack off for the final. On the upside, I might be studying for that class with YKW. Heehee.

*cough*

Anyway.

It seems like I won’t be able to go to Wilmington. I still might be able to, but the chances aren’t very great. Which is kinda silly… given that it’s only like a 3 hour drive away maybe. For me to not have gone is supremely stupid. But that’s what happens when you don’t have a car and have to depend on the kindness of others. So the grand plans of meeting Chad have not come to pass. Mehhhhh. I know I’m gonna kick myself in the ass for this. Sigh.

Gotta run for the next class. My last class ever at Carolina… and it has to be Mid-Evil History. Figures.

LOL

My keys were found! Hah. I knew that they would turn up somewhere. The “somewhere” turned out to be someone’s bag- I guess it fell in there since my little drawstring bag was open. I am uber-relieved. :)

The basketball game yesterday was awesome! We beat Kentucky (ranked #8) 91-78. Gooooo Heels! It was a great game and the crowd really got into it. I love going to games here cos it’s such a experience. Heh. And we’ll be going to the game against Chicago next week, which should be fun too. :) Watching the game reminded me of how much I loved watching basketball. I remember the days when they used to air NBA games on Sundays and I would always watch. Heh. Hmm… makes me think that I start watching again. If only I had ESPN back home…

Had an after-game burrito at Cosmic. Man, that thing was big. I finished it… mostly. LOL.

Ooooh… I watched “You Got Served” last night! Had to haul ass in the middle of night to Danny’s room in the bloody cold where a bunch of us watched it. Heh. That is one bad movie… but the dancing is just amazing. Seriously… it was hotttt. Man oh man. It kinda validated how I love guys who can dance. Hahahahah.

Kazi performance today. Yay! One last hurrah. Should be fun, as always. ;) Oh, I managed to upload the video of performance at State, so the 3 clips are up. It’s essentially what we did at Journey but better. Heh. Quality’s not too great, but oh well. :)

I haven’t done anything productive this weekend. And I have a final on Wednesday. Oyyy. At some point, I know I’m gonna start panicking. LOL.