and i u n f o l d

My belated birthday/welcome party went well. I was disappointed that some of my friends weren’t able to be there, but life is busy and well, what can you do? Still, it was a really good night.

I wore my dress! Hee. This is the dress that I just had to buy when I saw it cos it’s so pretty and it gives me a Mandy Moore vibe. LOL. This is the dress that made me wish that someone would ask me out so I would have an excuse to wear it. Heh. And since I’ve been dying to wear it, I figured that my own party would be a good enough reason. Hahahaha.

I got quite a lot of gifts, which I didn’t expect. I mean, seriously, my birthday was months ago, and while this may have been a (very) belated celebration, I had no expectation at all. But I got some really lovely and thoughtful stuff, which is awesome. :)

It was fun. Saw friends I hadn’t seen yet, since I’ve been back. Talked about C. Hill (which I always love doing. Heheheh). Ate some, laughed some (okay, a lot). It was all good yo.

And just like that, my long weekend is over. It’s back to the grind. Back to readings that I’ve yet to do. Sigh. I’m glad that I only need to be in school 3-4 times a week.

I miss Carolina. :( (although I don’t think I would survive in the subzero temperature! Thank goodness I was there in the fall.)

I’m tired, but in a good way. And my back aches. But, there’s a good reason behind it- I was putting together all my pics (I had 110 photos developed!) from the last 4 months in an album. I didn’t realize that I had been at it for hours until I was finally done and checked the time. Hours and hours of sitting on the floor just exacerabated the muscle aches from dance yesterday. But I’m pleased with it and it’s great to have something tangible to look at whenever I want to. Hee.

I showed the album to my mom. When she got to a pic of me and YKW:

Mom: What’s his name?
Me: [YKW’s real name]
Mom: Oh, you told me you have a crush on someone on the team. [flips to the photo of the team] Which one?
Me: [laughing] YKW
Mom: [surprised] He’s kinda geeky-looking.
Me: [laughing] Yes, I know.
Mom: I thought he’d be blonde and good-looking.
Me: [laughing]

My mom is so classic sometimes. Hahahhahaha. It’s sad that even she knows how I seemingly gravitate towards blondes. LOL. And she said he’s geeky! Hehehehe. I know, I know… but he’s cute to me. :)

Speaking of him, I received the package from him on Monday. Yaaaay! I had been expecting it to come over the weekend, but when it didn’t, I stopped anticipating it. Lo and behold, when I arrived home on Monday afternoon, there was a red package on my bed! Tried not to squeal (my dad was in my room) and opened it.

There was a note with the DVD, and it’s just so sweet. I started reading and couldn’t stop smiling like an idiot. Oyyyy. And then my over-analytical girly mind went into overdrive. LOL. Oh, he is so trying to drive me insane.

So, yes. It seems like I’m still hopelessly infatuated.

Dance yesterday was gooood. I really liked the choreography we learned; and I did it so hard that I can barely lift my left arm today. My shoulder and my bicep is just majorly aching. As is my lower back. Ouch.

AI is baaaaack. I busted a gut laughing while watching the auditions. Geez, it’s amazing how strong self-delusion is. I was largely apathetic during AI3 so hopefully, there’ll be someone for me to root for this time around.

I’ve been feeling under the weather the past few days. I can’t seem to stop sneezing like crazy and my nose is runny. I hatehatehate it. And I’ve used up so many tissues! Arrgh. I hope that it gets better by Saturday.

And now, I’m gonna go lay down and read a romance novel. Heehee.

tut-tut says:
the bitter sweet feeling..the missing him feeling….n the feeling of having someone there in ur head everytime…..
tut-tut says:
some times very sweet…sometimes very sad….cos u noe tat u cannot b with him….
tut-tut says:
but at least still friends…can keep in contact…n best of all…he noes tat u like him…n mayb he likes u too…..n he accepted it n not to aviod u cos of tat…i tink it’s really nice..

Awwww. Meichan and I were chatting on MSN and I was babbling (as usual) about YKW and then she said the above. I thought it was a nice summation of what I’m feeling and of the situation and so I had to put it up here. Hehehee. :)

I actually haven’t chatted to him in a while. I really haven’t been on AIM much at all. Partly cos I’ve been out/busy the last few days. Partly ‘cos I’ve been trying to stay away from AIM in an vain attempt to curb my infatuation with him.

Like I said, I think it’s less crazy now, but it’s still there. Granted, I only left C. Hill like a month ago. (Oh God, was it only a month ago? It seems like so long!) And I think that the lack of eye candy here kinda re-enforces my interest in him in some way. Heh.

The first week back at school wasn’t too bad. Not that I’m thrilled about being back (the contrary, really), but I think I’m really gonna enjoy some of my classes which is great. :) I only have classes three times a week, which is good and bad. Good- I don’t have to drag myself to school every damn day. Bad- it doesn’t stop me from being a hermit.

I feel like I need to get out more and do more fun things and do things that interest me. Which is why I’m seriously thinking about taking dance classes. A) It’s something that I love and B) It would help me become a better dancer and C) I’ll be exposed to someone else’s style of hip-hop. So that’s definitely something I would really wanna do. I don’t wanna do it by myself though, so I need coerce friends into it with me. Hahahhahaa.

Speaking of dance, I miss Kazi. I really really miss them. I had my first lesson back with Blast on Wednesday. That was stressful. I had forgotten how difficult Pat’s choreography can be. And I had to try and adjust back to his style, which is so vastly different. So, that wasn’t too much fun. I mean, it was fun but it was frustrating at the same time. And the vibe and atmosphere in the group is so different this year too. It doesn’t feel like as much fun as it was… and the camarederie is like gone. So weird to me. I dunno; maybe it’s just me.

My mom’s throwing me a belated birthday/welcome home party this weekend. Heh. It’s kinda funny cos my birthday was actually about 4 months ago. LOL. But I think she feels bad that I didn’t really get to celebrate my birthday since I was away at the time. Well, I wasn’t about to decline a party. Heh. I decided on a Pretty in Pink theme and asked people I invited to wear something pink. Hahahhha. The funny thing is that I might not wear pink.

And somehow, it’s already 1am. Damn. I need to sleep. It’s Monday already. Sigh.

So, first day back at NUS.

It was a pretty relaxing sorta day. I had only one class (since the tutorial was cancelled, yay!) at noon. It was on Biodiversity and Conservation, and it seems like it’s gonna be an alright-kinda class. I’m absolutely hopeless in Science, but this class seems manageable. And the prof. is pretty entertaining, so I’m glad I’m taking it.

Ehh. Nothing much has happened. I’ve been hibernating at home, for the most part, and reading/sleeping. I had dinner with Jing Wen, Ben, Mark, PQ, MC and Michelle (classmates from RJC) on Friday, which was fun. It was good to see them again. I wanted to go watch the Funka preliminary round on Saturday, but ended up not going. I will be there for the finals though (to support my friends!). Heh.

I miss the pretty UNC campus. The trees. The open spaces. The lack of numerous, unending flights of stairs (Hahaha). The bell tower. The quaint, old buildings that made me feel like I was in England (hehe). I miss just being able to walk from my dorm to campus (versus an hour and a half commute to-and-fro), and walking along the tree-lined pathways. I almost miss the cool/cold weather too. I definitely definitely miss all the open spaces and all the greenery. NUS, in comparison, is an aesthetically-unpleasing concrete jungle. It strikes me as being claustrophobic and it just has this stressful vibe to it.

You know what else I miss? The classes that lasted only either 50 minutes or an hour and 15 minutes. Heh. The class today, however amusing, seemed like it would never end.

On a slightly related-but-not-really note, I think I’ve stopped thinking of him as much. Granted, the fact that I’ve stayed away from AIM for the past few days has helped… but I think the distance has helped too. Sure, the thought of him still makes me smile… but the feeling seems to be less crazy and intense than it initially was. God knows that there was a point (or many points. Hahahah) when I couldn’t stop talking/thinking/being giddy about him. I dunno; we’ll see if this sanity lasts. LOL.

However, it is mighty amusing to me that I can’t use an even remotely sappy-ish MSN screenname without someone asking me if it has to do with him, or if I’m feeling okay, or something to that effect. Heheh.

I may be suffering from the after-effects of a crush, but I’m not broken-hearted. I just have moments of melodrama. Hahahaha. Well, maybe there’s a little bruise… but nothing that time and distance won’t heal. :)

I don’t have classes tomorrow, thank goodness. I dunno what I’ll do. I really do wanna see the Phantom movie before it ends its run, so I might be desperate enough to watch it on my own. And there’s dance to look forward to on Wednesday afternoon. Even while I’m missing Kazi, it’ll be nice to be back in Blast! again.

And now, I sleep.

P/S: It seems like I’m never gonna be able to watch the Alias premiere. Damnit. I want a new computer. Waaaaaant.

Somehow, without my noticing it, 2004 was over in a flash. Seeing how great that year was for me personally, I hope that this year will be equally as great. But since I think nothing would probably compare to the awesomeness of the last half of 2004, I can only hope that ‘05 will not completely be a suckfest. Heh. Such an optimist, I am.

So, I’ve got some resolutions: (in no particular order, except for #1)

1) Do better in school. It’s not that I’m failing or anything, but I really want to bring my CAP up. So, I’m aiming for straight As. I’m also thinking about maybe being more active with stuff going on in school.
2) Be more careful with my money. As in, be less of a spendthrift. Heh.
3) Keep in touch with the friends I’ve made. :)
4) Hell, keep better contact with friends I have here.
5) Get over my crush/stop thinking about him. My new mantra? “He’s just a friend.”
6) Be a better daughter/sister. My family can really push my buttons sometimes, so I need to try and not let it get to me so easily. LOL.
7) Get a part-time job? Hmm.
8) Make an effort to be more social.
9) Read more, write more, smile more, laugh more, love more.
10) Less thought, more action. Heh. To be more decisive and assertive in my life.

10 is a nice, round number, so I’ll just leave it there.

I finally got out of my house on Monday. Hung out with Cal and Hani, and plotted about how to take over the world. Muahahaha. We have this really great (business) idea, which might come to pass in the future. Heh.

Found out that there’s now a Forever 21 (which is this awesome clothing store in the US) at Wisma. Alas, their clothes are much more expensive than they are in the States. Blaaaaah. Suckiness. Next thing you know, they’ll be opening a Charlotte Russe (another great clothing store) here.

I finally got me some books to read, and that took up most of yesterday. Alas, being such a ferocious reader, I’m now done with them. LOL. Damnit, I’m probably gonna go to the library again tomorrow. I’m also probably gonna reserve books that I wanna read, since I usually don’t find much I like on the shelves.

I really have been sleeping too much since I got home; I’m starting to worry myself. Yesterday, I “took a nap” at 5pm, and didn’t stir until my mom came home at like midnight, and then I went back to bed until 8am this morning. Very odd. I don’t get it, really.

School’s starting next week. A part of me is looking forward to it, since it’ll keep me busy and stop me from being such a lazy ass. But I’m also not looking forward to the hard work I’m gonna have to put in, if I wanna get straight As. Neither am I looking forward to being back in NUS. One upside is being back in Blast!, but that just makes me think of Kazi. Blaaaaaaah. I hope my classes will be interesting, at the very least.

I’m so bored. But I’m going out with my mom later in the afternoon, so at least that’s something to do. And I think there’ll be a repeat of the Maroon 5 Making the Video (for “Sunday Morning”) in like 10minutes, so I’m gonna watch that. Adaaaaaaaaaam! Heehee. Nothing like drooling over a celeb crush to take the boredom away. Hahahahaha. ;)