and i u n f o l d

There’s nothing like receiving mail the old-fashioned way. Heh. With emails, phones and text messages, letters and mail just aren’t common anymore. Which is a pity, cos getting snail mail is funnnnn.

Usually there’s just a bunch of bills in our mailbox, but on Thursday, on the way out with the parental units, I peeked into the mail-slot and saw a thick envelope. Further squinting revealed that IT WAS FOR ME! And it was from him!! So I got all excited (”Eeeee! I have maaaaaaail! From himmmmmm!”), even though I didn’t have the mailbox key with me.

I went to watch Star Wars (will talk about that next time!), but when I got home, the first thing I did was check out the package. Heeee! It was an unexpected surprise, but a really good one. I last talked to him online last week, I think, but he didn’t mention it to me! I was uber-excited and smiling like an idiot (he seems to have that effect on me… hahahah), and my dad gave me this kinda weird look when he noticed me practically bouncing on my bed as I opened the envelope.

It was a DVD of dance performances from both semesters, and I was sooo psyched to get to see the new choreography they did for the spring semester. I popped it into my DVD player and watched (in lieu of The O.C., no less!) them. I had heard that Kazi slipped a little this semester, but they were still pretty darn good. The performance towards the end of the semester was a bit lack-lustre (but that happened during the fall semester too, in my opinion), but they had one really good performance. The new choreography looks aweeeesome. (And I think they’re probably gonna even better next semester!) It was a lot of fun watching all the performances, though, of course, I did feel a little wistful. I would’ve loved learning/performing the new choreography!

I re-realized that the guys on the team (and not just him and his roomie, aka the two hottest male dancers on K-team. Heh) are generally better dancers than the guys in Blast. I think it’s the style/groove factor. And watching the performances re-emphasized the subtle but still distinct difference between Blast and Kazi. It’s a difference that I can’t quite put into words, but if you put performances of the two groups and compare, you’d be able to understand. (Wow, that was such an un-illuminating explanation.)

There was also a little note with the DVD (Hee!) and a photo of us from Halloween. Heheheh. It’s actually a really cute & amusing pic: I’m laughing (cos I had just figured out that he was dressed as his girlfriend! And I couldn’t stop laughing long enough for us to get a ‘normal’ photo; it was just waaaay too funny) and he’s doing his ‘girly’ pose and the lighting is blurry-ish so it gives a nice effect. It’s a cute photo. Heh. Even looking at it makes me wanna giggle. (And on a totally vain/shallow note, my legs looks great in the pic! Hahahah.)

He is so sweet, no? I don’t want to jinx it (cos when I last thought this way, I proved myself wrong not long thereafter! Haha), but I think I’ve come to the point where the crazy-intense feelings I had for him have abated, and that for the most part I’ve come to think of him as a friend first, and not just as that guy I have a crush on. I’m really glad that we’re friends. (Re-reading that, it sounds a little Hallmark-ish, but what the heck. Heh.)

Any-way. The point is: Getting the package totally made me smile. Which is evident from like my 2nd paragraph. Heehee. It really is a nice, thoughtful gift. *grin*

Soooo, thanks to Meichan (whom I coerced persuaded), I finally saw House of Wax.

I’m not a horror/scary movie fan. I don’t voluntarily watch them. The only reason I really wanted to watch this one: The Chad. That said, I really loved Chad in this movie (his best one so far, in my opinion, though his filmography hasn’t been that fantastic), and the movie was pretty good (in a gory, ewwww gross!, kinda way). So, though I admittedly covered my eyes a few times (dude, there was some really gory shit in the movie), I’m glad I watched it.

Thoughts are behind the cut (in case people don’t wanna be spoiled)

(more…)

After a long bout of inactivity, these past 2 days have been a change. Heh.

Had dance on Wednesday. There’s 2 major performances coming up in Aug-Sept so the next few months are devoted to preparing for those. A part of me really wants to do something productive (for myself, for my resume, for my bank account and such) during the summer, but that would mean not being involved in dance. For the past 2 years, most of my summer hols have been spent, in some way, with dance-related activities. They were fun (except for maybe last year, which was kinda sucky although it had its good moments) but on hindsight, I should’ve made better use of that time. (Yeah, hindsight’s a bitch as always.)

Anyway. I digress. Yesterday was brutal. Physically brutal, that is. I hadn’t been doing any strenous activity since the last dance practice, so I’m really feeling the effects today. The choreography is tough yo. It’s set to BEP’s “Don’t Phunk With My Love”, and it’s hella fast. Looks good though, once you get it. My brain was fried, trying to remember all the moves. Heh. Must get it by next week!

Plus, I went clubbing (Phuturreeeee. It was actually my first time there) last night with some friends from dance. It was crowded as hell. It was an okay night. The music was crappy at times. But I was pretty much on my feet the entire night. So my legs pretty much felt like jelly. And then, I went for another dance class today… I expect to be feeling sore for the next 2 days.

I actually cleaned my room! Well, one part of it- the most messy part. It’s amazing the amount of crap I’ve accumulated. I found things that date back to years ago (back when I was 15-16), things that I really should’ve gotten rid of it. And for first time in years, I can see the floor underneath my study table! Hahahaha. All the things I wanna keep, mostly momentos from the past and all that, are in boxes (Ikea!). There’s one box for Carolina stuff. Hehehe. There’s one box of stuff from my secondary school years. Cards, some notes and that kinda stuff. It was a nice walk down memory lane.

I also found some stuff from about 3 years ago when I got brochures and stuff from universities. I had stuff from Yale, Duke (!), Cornell, Chicago, UPenn. Clearly, I had pretty high ambitions. Heh. I was also reading some old journals, and I wrote something about wanting to apply to NYU, UNC, Ithaca and Duke (!). (Hahahah. Now after having been at UNC, I’m like “Dook? Pfffffft.”) Damn, there was no shortage of dreams then. Heh. It’s interesting to look back and see how you once thought you could achieve anything and that you tried to reach for the best. It’s also kinda sad to see how some dreams worked out and others had to be shelved. But that’s life, no?

It’s also made me wonder what my dream right now is. (I’m not quite sure.)

Hmm. I’m listening to Mario’s “Let Me Love You” on repeat.

Two months to the new HP book!

One month to the new Backstreet album! Heh.

One week to Episode III!

Unfortunately, it’s still a few more months before the 4th HP movie. (Can’t. Wait!)

Why am I not tired/sleepy? Sigh. Damn my super duper screwed up sleeping habits!

I am so freakin’ lazy. It’s sick. I’m pretty much like a beached whale nowadays; lounging on my bed and reading; or going online and reading fic; or watching tv. Oh, the life of a sloth.

I WANT TO GO CLUBBING! But the thought of spending money on the cover charge/drinks and the damned cab fare home makes me sad. It seems like a waste of money, no? Gone are the days of clubbing at Avalon/Players where the cover charge was only like US$5 max and there were no pesky expensive cab fare cos the P2P bus would run til 3am and take us back to our dorm. Ah, good times. And, of course, being amused while people-watching (aka watching people who can’t dance try): priceless. Hahahahahah.

You know it’s sad when you have cable tv but can’t find anything good to watch.

My goal for these summer months is to read more intellectual books. No, really. Like, maybe for every 4 romance novels I read, I must read an intellectual book. Heh. I’m probably the only person left in this world who hasn’t read The Da Vinci Code. But, that will change. Soon. As soon as I can get my hands on a copy of the book. I was at Kinokuniya the other day, and just salivated while browing through all the books. Don’t you just love the feel and smell of a brand spankin new book?

My stomach is making rumbly noises. It must be appeased.

[Major reminiscing and nostalgia ahead!]

Suddenly feeling nostalgic. Hmmm. Luckily, this isn’t the i’m-so-effing-sad-grrr-my-life-here-sucks-i-wish-i-could-go-back kind of nostalgia. There’s a little of that there (I think there always will be, hahahaha), but mostly this is of the omg-that-was-such-a-cool-time-of-my-life-i-can’t-believe-i-actually-did-that-wooooo!-go-me! variety. Which is kinda nice.

Thinking back, I’m a little surprised at myself for having the best freakin’ time ever at Carolina. Heh. I mean, of course, before I went, I told myself that it was an awesome opportunity (which it definitely was) and that I should make the most of it. I wanted to be able to step out of my box and just… live differently (not necessarily a different lifestyle, but just to be more: more assertive, more social, more out-there… y’know more of everything good. Like really seize every moment). I wasn’t particularly worried about the little details of everyday life (things like food, having to my own laundry, being away from family), although of course some of me was like “Eeek!”.

Surprisingly enough (cos usually I’m mostly-talk-and-little-action. Hahahah), I think I really did make the most of the opportunity. There are certain things about myself that are hard to change, like the fact that I’m more introverted than extroverted. While I was there, I tried to push my boundaries of comfort when it comes to socializing. Meeting new people is hard (especially when you’re mixing with a group of people who are already good friends). Putting yourself out there is hard. Not knowing anyone was probably the most daunting thing.

For the most part, I did pretty well. It helped that most of the people I met were really nice and open to meeting new people. I remember going to a hoedown with Kelly (she had invited me to it) and I was pretty nervous the whole time cos I only knew Kelly and a few of her friends. And it was pretty large gathering, so there were moments when I was thinking, “Shit, why am I here?”. Heh. But I’m glad I went afterall. It was a HOEDOWN! When else will I get to go to one? Heh. While I wasn’t a social butterfly (that’s just not me), I did make friends. So it was cool.

And then there was Kazi. I’ve said a lot (”") about them. Heh. It took a while to get to that comfort level (and naturally, I’m got to know some better than others), but once that happened, it was allll good yo. They’re an awesome bunch of people, and some of my fondest memories have to do with them. Clubbing and having a really great time (honestly, clubbing with a group of people who dance well is a ton of fun!). The hi-jinks and drama before every performance. The practices! (Funfunfun) A few people were a little surprised (?) that I joined a dance team, but I don’t think I could’ve gone 4 months without dance. It’s been such a part of my life for the past 3 years; it’d be weird to not do it at all. Besides, I learned a great deal from them, had a lot of fun doing it and got to know some great people. *grin*

The M5/Mayer concert! Aaah, sometimes I can’t quite believe that I saw them live. And it was so so good. It still kinda feels a little surreal now. Heh.

As it turned out, the little everyday things didn’t bother me. I remember being a little nervous doing laundry for the first time. Hahahaha. Food wasn’t a problem; I guess I did miss spicy food but I didn’t have a problem with American food. (I admit that I did get a little sick of the food at the dining halls by the last few weeks.) I only really missed my mom during like the first 2 weeks… but after that, I (shamefully) admit that I was not homesick (I was having the time of my life. Hee!). And I spoke online to most of my friends pretty frequently. I adapted very well, actually, which was cool. Hehe. And I really liked being on my own, and being independent and being accountable only to myself (to a large extent). I didn’t go crazy with the freedom or anything, but I enjoyed it. Heh.

And the travelling! I loved that too. We went to Myrtle Beach, Washington D.C. and Orlando. Fun times all around.

The most surprising was that I was a better student. Hahahah. The reading-and-writing-intensive courses made studying and doing the work more important, of course. And I actually did most of it. I think I worked harder that semester than I ever have in my 3 years of being an undegraduate. Which was ironic since my grades didn’t count towards my GPA. Oh well.

And so, it’s awesomely cool that I have no regrets. I’m really happy that I can look back and be able to appreciate every moment and have every memory make me smile. Makes me think of that quote from Casablanca: “We’ll always have Paris.”. Well, I’ll always have Carolina. Hehehehhe. Well, that was kinda cheesy.

Somehow, being a slacker is not as fun when you’re allowed to be one. Hahahah. Still, I’m not complaining.

There are things I wanna do, but I haven’t gotten around of them cos I’ve been lazing around. I expect the novelty of doing nothing will wear off…. Or not. Still have no concrete plans for the summer. Blaaah. I dunno, I feel like I should be doing something, except that I don’t know what.

Oh, I did go to Ikea with my parents yesterday. I love Ikea! It makes me wanna redecorate my room, and yesterday I was seriously considering it. But I figured I should first get around to cleaning my room before even thinking about changing stuff around. And I meant do that today (clean, that is) but ended up being too lazy. Hah. Instead, I’ve gone through 3 books in 2 days. :)

Y’know with relations between the parental units and my brother being pretty strained, sometimes I almost feel like an only child. My brother (who’s younger) seems to be hardly at home, and when he is, he’s pretty much in his room. He doesn’t speak to anyone unless it’s necessary (most of all my parents, especially my mom who’s like his adversary now or something) and he’s very emotionally closed off. I dunno why, but he seems to feel like my parents don’t care and that all they want to do is put restrictions on what he can and cannot do.

Maybe it’s part of my nature, but I never found any good in rebelling against my parents or purposely trying to antagonize them (which, in my opinion, is what he’s doing). I mean, all you’re doing is making things really hard for everyone involved, including yourself. It’s too tiring and it’s too much trouble than it’s worth… especially since my parents are pretty easy-going people. They’re quite reasonable about things and all they expect is adherence to certain standard things (like having a curfew, you doing as well as you can in school and that kinda stuff). They’re not Nazi-like parents who watch your every move and treat you like an animal.

That said, I really don’t understand what my brother’s issue with them really is. Apparently, I’m part of the issue too, cos he thinks that I’m the favored one in the family. (Oh please, he can, and often does, get away with a lot more shit than I did; I think they’re a lot more lenient towards him than me, given the history of all the crap he’s pulled.) So, maybe his attitude has to be with feeling marginalized; maybe he really feels like they’re being unfair towards him; maybe he just doesn’t care. I really don’t know, and he won’t talk. I start something serious, and he gets disgruntled so I’ve ceased trying. Maybe it’s just that teenage rebellion phase, and he’ll grow out of it.

Anyway. I’ve put myself out of the line of fire. I stay out of whatever altercations between the bro and the parents, cos weighing in with my 2 cents is not gonna help things.

Eh. That turned out be more serious than I had planned. Oh well.

Last final tomorrow. Have I been studying? Noooo, not at all. I’m pretty much screwed, but somehow I can’t bring myself to care too much. I’ll say it for the hundredth time: I’m a horrible student. Heh.

Instead, this has somehow turned out to be a Chad-lusting day. I let my mind rot for nearly 2 hours, watching the 2004 Teen Choice Awards on tv. I don’t even know why I watched it, except that I didn’t want to be staring at my notes. Hahhaha. But it wasn’t that bad for 2 reasons: 1) Chad; 2) Tom Welling.

As a detour from the main subject (ie Chad), let me gush about the Hotness that is Tom Welling. That is one yummy man. He was wearing jeans, a snug black t-shirt (oh hell yeah, that was good) and a cap, and his lovely smile as an accessory. Nothing too special, but daaaaamn, he looked Hot. I was just drooling and sighing. And his physique! Guh. He is seriously good-looking and that smile should come with a warning, cos any red-blooded female can die from it.

The other reason those 2 hours wasn’t a total crapfest was Chad. Boy looked gooood. He was wearing his black jacket over a green t-shirt, and his hair looked newly shorn, and it was all about the jawline, cheekbones and his seeming disbelief about his success and how bloody effing hot he is. I love how un-Hollywood he is; he actually seems really normal and really nice. Which just adds to his appeal, really. His gorgeousness isn’t as in-your-face as Tom’s, but it’s there.

And then, I saw this pic, which is apparently from a House of Wax premiere. Digression: HoW is out here on May 5th. I’m not a fan of scary/gory movies, but I am gonna watch this. Oh, the things a fangirl does. Plus, he gets nekkid… and I’m not one to pass up the chance of seeing him take his clothes off on a big movie screen. Hehehehe. It’ll be well-worth my $8.50. Hahahahah.

Anyway: that pic? *dies* He’s growing his hair out! He’s back to looking Tristan-esque!! (Oh, thank goodness) He’s wearing pinstripe!! What’s there not to love, yo. How psyched am I that the hair is back? Boyfriend looks soooo much better with hair, although I had gotten used to the buzzcut. He looks faaabulous.

Oh, and my fangirly mind has totally disregarded the fact that he’s, y’know, married. In my fangirly world, that doesn’t matter. Heh.

Conclusion: Chad is one hotttt mofo. He still tops my “Guys I’d do anytime, any day, any place” list. LOL. (Especially looking the way he does now… mmmm, I wouldn’t even have to think about it.)

And on that TMI note, I’m gonna go back to staring at that pic of Chad my notes. Hee.