and i u n f o l d

I haven’t been writing fan fiction in eons. I’ve been meaning to finish two stories that I said I would complete, but I’ve had zero inspiration. Plus, let’s not forget (deniaaaaal) that the last time we saw Tristan DuGrey was like 3 years ago. Ah, long live Rory/Tristan. My OTP forever!

Anyway, I’m a little pissed cos I just found out that someone plagiarised one of the improv pieces I did. Verbatim, except for the names and some details of course. I’m like “WTF?”. Why would anyone do that? And the thing is that this person has gotten away with it for like 3 years, cos she uploaded my story back in December 2002. (I uploaded mine in June ‘02, so from the publish date itself, it’s clear that the story originated from my crazy brain.) I don’t read Lily/James (HP) stories so I wouldn’t have known if someone hadn’t emailed me saying that she found a story that was exactly like mine.

It’s part upsetting, part-amusing. I don’t know why I’m amused, but I am. Maybe because the person stole my story word-for-word, including the summary and the fact that it was inspired by a certain song. Maybe because I don’t think the story I wrote would suit Lily/James. Maybe because someone liked it enough to claim it as her own. Though that is majorly screwed up.

And, of course, I’m upset. Cos it’s mine. All of that stuff came from my mind, from how much I love Rory/Tristan. And I like it. And I’m proud of it. For someone else to claim credit for it just pisses me off.

Anyway, I reported the abuse to the folks at ff.net. The girl didn’t put her email address up so I couldn’t ream her out myself. Although what can you say to such a person? “You stole my story, please take it down.” Heh.

Blaaah. Hopefully this whole mess can be cleaned up easily enough.

There are 2 questions that I’m heartily sick of at this moment:

1) “Do you have a boyfriend? (No.) Why not? (…..)”

2) “So what are you going to do after you graduate?”

Seriously, I don’t effing know. So please, fortheloveofGod, stop asking me the damn question.

Today, since I was lazy and didn’t go for dance practice, I decided to be a bit more proactive about school. Bidding for classes has started, which is a bit of a pain cos one of the classes I want to take has a prerequisite I haven’t satisfied and I don’t know if I’ll be able to take it. I’m also starting to really think about my independent study. I want to do one in political theory (cos I’m a political theory nerd!), and I’m leaning towards doing something about Plato, but I dunno if I’ll be putting myself in too deep. Aslinda’s possibly doing something on Europe and the EU but I have very little working knowledge about that so I dunno if I’d wanna do a joint project with her. And then there’s my idea about doing research on religion and politics (with a focus on the Middle East)- and again, I fear that I may be plunging myself into deep waters.

So, I’ve been surfing around today, hoping for some inspiration for my independent study. Hoping to be hit by an epiphany. Alas, nothing so far.

I love being Poli Sci major, because for the most part, it’s very interesting. To me, at least. Some of it is dead boring, of course, but that’s probably because I have no/little interest in that subject/subfield. Haha. The thing that is intimidating about the field is that there are some really brilliant people out there. It astounds me sometimes when I surf through LJ communities for Poli Sci students (especially graduate students) and read what they have to say. I am nowhere near that brilliant (most probably because I don’t put in half the effort most of the time. Hahah)- I enjoy it, I can do pretty well sometimes, but I’m hardly brilliant. And in a field where there seems to be a lot of brilliant people, it makes one feel like a very small fry.

I’ve always thought/planned that I would get a Masters degree after graduating (and this would, of couse, be at an overseas university so that I’d get the effing hell out of here). But I don’t think that I’d do it in Poli Sci. Maybe Journalism or Writing. But Poli Sci is unlikely. I don’t know; my feelings might change in the future but for now, I can’t see myself being a Poli Sci grad student.

And I don’t even know if I wanna be a grad student. I don’t know if I’d get in if I applied, given that my grades are fairly average and nothing much to shout about. Heh. I always thought that I’d go straight into grad school, but looking at some of the programs that I’m interested in, I think working and being in the “Real World” for a while might be more advantageous. Especially if I end up in a Journalism program. Plus, I doubt my parents can afford to foot my academic bill again so I’d need moolah. Heh. And then there’s the issue of whether I want to go into academia and be a nerd for life. Heh. It’s an interesting prospect, but I’m not sure if I wanna do that.

I guess I’ve lead a pretty charmed life when it comes to school. I’ve managed to do pretty well without exerting too much effort. That sounds braggy, but I don’t really mean it that way. It’s just that I haven’t really had to work hard and prove myself; I think I’ve been very lucky that I’ve managed to get away with pretending to be smart. Hahahah. And my college experience hasn’t been particularly inspiring; I’ve pretty much coasted through the past three years. Which is horrible, if you think about it. I can’t really complain about my lacklustre GPA, since I haven’t put in the effort. Heh. Something about this school I’m in just makes me feel uninspired, which sucks. So, grad school, I think, would be a major test of my mettle, if I decide to go. Because there’s only so much BS they’ll accept (that’s my impression at least). Heh.

So, really, I don’t know what I’m gonna do once I graduate. Le sigh. Is it too optimistic to hope that things will work themselves out? :)

The past few days have been busy… and interesting. Heh. Only about a month of hols left. A very very small part of me is actually looking forward to school; getting back into a routine, having some brain activity instead of letting it rot as I have for the past 3 months, and learning new things. Yes, sometimes i am a dork. And, of course, as usual, I’ll be complaining one month into the semester. Heh.

My last year as a student. I better damn well enjoy it.

Anyway.

Meichan came by early on Thursday morning to watch dance videos. Heh. I’ve been telling her about the Kazi DVD I got and so she came by to watch. So yeah, that was fun. It’s always fun to watch anyway. Hee.

Then, I watched “Sin City” that afternoon with Cal and Vel. That was a good movie, as I expected. So visually stunning. If I had enough moolah, I’d so buy the graphic novels (among the long list of books that I’d love to own). Ate at Subway, which satisfied my craving. Ogled books at Borders, where Cal tried to talk me into buying the HP book. Heh. Yes, I don’t have it, haven’t read it, though eventually I will. :P Ended the day with a nice Venti iced vanilla latte.

I love Thursday nights. It’s the best TV night; Lost, The O.C. and OTH. Good times. I haven’t downloaded any tv shows in eons, so it’s nice that those shows are airing here.

Friday started normal enough. I went shopping with my dance friend, Jen, cos we were looking for clothes for our performance. We didn’t find what we were specifically looking for (green bottoms) but ended up buying other stuff. Hahaha.

I was actually feeling tired and sleepy but Hani wanted to hang out so I ended up meeting Cal and her that night. And it turned out to be a long-ass night. We had dinner and then Starbucks. Cal didn’t want to go home, and wanted to watch a movie so we dragged our asses to the nearest cinema only to find that nothing good was playing. Somehow, and I really don’t know how, we ended up walking. A lot. It was crazy. We were initially at the City Hall area (dinner), then went to Suntec (Starbucks). Somehow we had the bright idea to go to Bugis, then to Selegie Road and from there we went to the town area and ended up at Cineleisure. And yes, we walked all that way. And sang boyband songs at the top of our lungs. Hahahahaha. That was such an odd night.

So, we were at Cine and wanted to watch a movie. I kinda waned to watch “The Island” but Hani wasn’t too keen. I didn’t want to watch any horror movies either. So we ended up picking this movie called Mysterious Skin. We didn’t know anything about it and just took a chance. After getting tickets, we dragged our asses to the Long John Silver’s that was open 24 hours and sat around for 2 hours (cos the movie was only at 4.15am).

We talked a lot of crap. Drank a lot of Coke. Talked about boys. Played with Cal’s camera phone. Heh. Craziness, basically.

By the time 4am rolled around, I was pretty much dead on my feet. There were only 5 people in the theatre watching the movie, so we like stretched ourselves out. Heh. Then the movie started, and our general reaction was “WTF?”.

Part of my reaction to the movie was that I didn’t expect that subject matter. I really didn’t, so when I saw it play out, I was like, “What?“. It just blindsided me, and I don’t think I ever recovered. I was tired, sleepy, my feet hurt and I was just not mentally prepared for a movie that dealt that kinda of issue. Watching a movie about pedophilia and sexual abuse in my frame of mind just wasn’t good. Especially when the movie is so brutally honest and so disturbing. And when you’re not mentally prepared, it just sorta batters your mind. It’s a hard film to watch. I walked out at the end with a sick feeling in my stomach. The ending didn’t help much either.

I got home at 7am and fell into bed. Surprisingly enough, I was up at around 12.30pm and feeling lucid enough.

So yeah, Friday night was straaaange. I can’t believe I did that. Heh.

Saturday was a lot more normal. Went out for dinner with the family, which was fun its own way. And today, I happily spent the entire day lounging in bed and napping and reading. Ah, good times.

So okay. The butterflies? They’re still kinda alive. *face palm* I’ve squashed some of them but while their wings are bruised, they can still flutter. Heh. What a odd description.

I haven’t talked to him online in eons. Seriously, the last time was just after school ended which was around late May-ish. So I’ve gone two months without really thinking about him. (Deniaaaaal.) It’s easier to pretend that something doesn’t exist if you’re not constantly reminded of it.

When I saw that he signed on, I was like, “Oooh.” Then like 1 second later, a window pops up. Next thing I know, I’m smiling.

Conclusion: Le sigh. Something’s still there. A little something, but still something.

Anyway. It was nice to talk to him again, to catch up on what he’s been up to and all that. :)

I caught Mikee online too, and it’s been eons since I’ve talked to him too. Awwwww, I miss Mike.

Oh shit, before I get into a I-miss-Carolina-damnit! mood, I better stop.

I miss Carolina. Waaaaaaaaaaah.

I watched Fantastic Four with Cal on Thursday. Dude, the Human Torch is hotttttttt (in more ways than one). The snark. The cocky bastard-ness (which, I acknowledge, is a must-have quality for my favourite male fictional characters). The hot bod. Mmmmmmm. Chris Evans, you are now on my Hot List.

The movie was pretty entertaining. I read some bad reviews online so I thought it would gonna totally suck. But it was a fun movie, and like I said, entertaining. Which is more than I can say for some other movies.

Mustmustmust watch Sin City! It’s finally out here. *bounce*

The new HP book is out. I haven’t bought it. *gasp* Something in me rebels at the thought of paying $40+ for a book. Even one that I’m pretty sure I’ll like. But I’m very tempted. Hmmm. We’ll see if my willpower holds up.

It’s getting harder to ignore that fact that school is starting in a month. And I really need to plan my independent study! Craaaaaaap. I have a vague notion of what I’m interested in doing, but no concrete ideas. Gah, this sucks.

Note to self: Stop being a slacker. Stop procrastinating!

Ennui.

If there was a word to describe what I’m feeling (and have been feeling for a while now), that would be it.

I don’t know what’s wrong. Or if there’s even anything wrong at all.

This was forwarded to me by Cal. It’s Steve Jobs’ commencement address for this year’s graduating class at Stanford.

And so, now, the question is: what do I love to do? Thank goodness I have at least another year to figure that out as much as I possibly can. If I can figure it out.

(more…)

Yesterday (Wednesday) felt like such a long day for me. Had dance as usual in the afternoon, which turned out pretty fun. Well, in some ways. Hahaha. I think we’ve learnt most of the choreography that we need to know, which is good. And so we did more blocking, and hence it was a lot less stressful than having to learn 16 eights in the space of 2 hours as we’ve had to do in the past.

That didn’t mean that there was no stress at all. Oh no, there was a different kind of stress. We were divided into smaller groups and assigned a certain part of the choreography to do. The stress came in cos most of us had to learn an eight of transition to get to the front of the stage before doign our bit of the choreography. And that can be pretty stressful. And it’s hard to dance it well too, when Pat’s watching. It can be kinda scary. Hahahha. After like 2 years plus, I’ve learnt to deal with it to some extent, but still.

Anyway. Things for the show are moving along, which is good. It’ll be on August 25th, and it’ll be a great show (at least on our part- I don’t know what the indian dance group is doing). So if anyone wants tickets, let me know. There are only like 300+ tickets, since the show is one-night only, so if you wanna come (and watch me dance… hahahha), you better hollaaaaaa.

Any-freakin-way. What was the day feel long was me going clubbing with some of my dance friends. At, where else, but Phutureeeeee. Crowded as hell as usual. Or maybe more so. The line to get in at 10.30 was bloody effing long but we sneaked into the line through people that someone knew. Hahah. Paid $12 (!!!) for a glass of vodka-Redbull which I downed in like the space of one bloody song. Tiny glass, a lot of ice. Blaaah.

Whatever. Anyway. It wasn’t too bad of a night. There was a stretch when they played music that I liked, and even though it was almost too crowded to even break out a dance move (Hahah), it was fun. I really do much prefer clubs that play hip-hop/R&B, cos when we moved into the Zouk towards the end of the night, I was bored out of my freakin mind. Seriously, I felt like I was in a foreign land. It was scary place yo. Hahahahaha. They played everything from “Rock DJ” (Robbie Williams) to “Mamma Mia” (Abba) to “Love In The 1st Degree” (Bananarama?). And I was just like, “Oh ooookay.” Hahahaha. I’d rather sit through reggaeton music at Phuture anyday.

Club closed at 4am, and Cheryl drove so I was lucky enough to score a ride back home with her. But first we had supper/super-early breakfast… and so I didn’t get home til like about 5.30am. Which was actually kinda funny cos my mom was just about getting up to go to work for her morning shift. I had to be super duper quiet so that she wouldn’t know I just came home. Hahahahaha.

Although I was exhausted as hell, I didn’t sleep well. And now for some reason, I think I’m sick. Been sneezing all day. My nose is runny. I feel chilled for no damn reason. Grrrrr. I don’t wanna be sick!
Feeling like crap sucks.

I wanted to say something but all my whining has distracted me.

Oh yeah. I wanted to say that clubbing last night made me think of two other times when I had a ton of fun clubbing. One of them was at the Spanish Galleon at Myrtle Beach. It was fun not cos I was probably feeling buzzed (hahahaha), but cos of the people. We were there on a weekend trip with the Asian kids and although we just met them that weekend, it turned out to be a good night out. And it was nice to dance with guys who can dance reasonably well. Heh.

The other time was the time I went clubbing with some of the Kazi people. Now that was really fun. It was just sorta crazy in a way. And again with the niceness of dancing with boys who can dance. Hmmmm.

Good times, good times.

Cal & Sarah came over to my place today; we planned to watch Firefly. We only managed to get through the first 5 episodes (since they only arrived at around 5). But the show is…. interesting. I found it a little weird in the beginning cos it’s such a mish-mash of different elements which kinda threw me off.

I think I’m probably more into Battlestar Galactica. Cal won tickets to a special screening of the mini-series (4 whole hours!), and while it did take a while for me to get into it, I found myself interested. So, yes. Me- I’m not really the sci-fi kind. But you never know what might interest you.

I did watch “Batman Begins” with my mom. And loved it. Batman probably is my favourite superhero (I love that he is human and is flawed and has no superpowers. It’s a lot more compelling that way. He’s so tortured and angsty- I love it.) and this movie is just leaps and bounds better than the others.

And Christian Bale is just perfect. He is Batman yo. I’m excited to see him again as Batman. I think this 2nd try for the Batman franchise is gonna go really well.

I’ve been watching OTH a lot. S1 and S2 are airing, so I get double dosage. Hahaha. I love S1 though, cos Chad looks so Tristan-esque. And there’s a lot (”") of gratituous nekkidness. I’m such a perv. I willingly admit that it’s a crapfest, but I’m still watching! I can’t seem to stop; it’s saaaad. Heh.

Only about a month before school starts again. Blaaaah. I’ve totally not thought about anything remotely important in the past 2 months. Usually, I love making lists of things-to-do and such, but I have none now. Hmmm. And I’m only now acknowledging the fact that I do have things that I need to do. Topping that list is sorting out my independent study stuff, which I need to do this coming semester. Le sigh.

Meh. Don’t want think about that stuff yet. Maybe tomorrow. Heh. (Or not.)