and i u n f o l d

I’m baaaack.

Got home early this morning; tired as hell… but I only managed to catch up on sleep at about 11am and was rudely awoken at 4-ish. Still feeling drowsy, but I’m fighting it. I don’t need my sleeping patterns to be totally screwed up, especially with school starting soon. (But let’s not talk about that just yet.)

Had an awesome time in Paris; I started jotting down what I did and all, but realized that my brain was still half-dead, so I’ll save that for another day.

So, it’s already New Years Eve. I don’t really know what made 2005 go by so quickly (not a particularly memorable year for me, personally), but it did. And there’s now 2006 to look forward to. So, at this point, it’s all good. Looking forward to the future and all that. Hopefully it’ll be a great year. :)

So, happy new year to all…. hope 2006 brings you much success and happiness!

Off to Paris, I go. I’ll be away til the 31st. Don’t miss me too much yo. Hehe.

Au revoir, mes amies!

(And happy holidays!)

Dear Self,

Pleeeease stop listening to sad/sappy/emo-ish songs. Just, no. Listen to happy/upbeat music, damnit!

No love,
Me

I looked at my (sadly dwindling) bank account and realized (no, not for the first time) that I have beeng spending a lot of money. On food. On clothes. Damn. The funny thing is, as I’m trying to pack for my Parisian trip, I’m stuck on what to bring. I have a long list, and have coordinated some possible outfits. Yes, I’m crazy and neurotic like that. (It seems to run in the family, cos my bro did that too. Hahha.) Believe me, it’s hard stuff… trying to be warm, comfortable and relatively stylish at the same time. Hahahahha. No, really. I don’t wanna look like a bloated fish in all the photos yo. And I’m deciding between my own brown jacket and this long-ish (it ends just above my knees) coat that my aunt lent to me. I know my brown jacket looks good on me, ‘cos it’s mine and I chose it. Heh. My aunt’s one is (according to the size at least) is bigger, but it fits me okay once I layer my clothes. Soooo. I dunno. My mom just bought herself a new jacket, which I adore cos it has the damned fur-lined hood that I want! Gaaaaah. Maybe I’ll get to borrow it. Heh.

ANYWAY. Yes, packing is a pain. Deciding what outfits to bring is a pain. And not knowing what to bring even though I know I have a lot of clothes (although they’re mostly summer clothes, of course) is… MEH. Hate it. It’s a good thing I acquired (by “acquired”, of course I mean “shopped using mostly my dad’s money”… hahhaa) some cute stuff in C. Hill that are suitable for colder weather.

I was out to dinner with Cal and Priya today. It was good yo. We went to a mexican restaurant and had some good food and frozen margaritas. A little pricey, but worth it, I think. We were so freakin’ full afterwards. Then we wanted to watch P&P… alas, none of the nearby cinemas were playing it. WTF? It’s only been open for like a week. Gah. Must find time to watch it before I leave, else I’m not gonna catch it at all.

I also need to stop by the Mango sale sometime this weekend! I’ve been eyeing this jacket for the longest time, and maybe now it’s a little more affordable. Heh. Yes, spending more money. But it’s such a great jacket… and I think that I can find a black or beige one in my size, I’ll be mighty mighty tempted to buy it. Sigh.

Money…. spend it wisely, baby. (Heh!)

EDIT: It seems that this is my 300th blog entry. Hehe. Cool.

No, I still haven’t cleaned my room. I’m surprised I haven’t been screamed at by my mom. Hahahha. But it’s bad when I myself feel that my room is icky and messy. Aaaah, I have to find the time to clean up a little before leaving for holiday.

I did get my haircut today. Yay! I went to my favourite stylist, Michelle, but the first time in like a year. The last 2 times I cut my hair, she wasn’t around so I had to settle for someone else. So I’m glad I got her this time. I’ve always liked my hair when it’s done by her. Heh. Her cuts always make me like my straight-ish hair. Hahahah. Anyway, I have full bangs again (although they look a little uneven to my eyes, so if I can get the time, i’m gonna go back and have that corrected) and I really like my haircut. Well, the true test is tomorrow, after I wash and style on my own. Heh. But yeah, I think it looks good.

The other thing that I need to start: packing. GAH! I hate packing. Hatehatehate. So much stuff, so little space. I wish I had more cute winter clothes. Hahhahaha. Having to decide what to bring is such a paaaain. I kinda wanna wear a skirt… but I don’t have any suitable ones. I’d wear it with leggings and boots, so I was kinda thinking of a tartan-print skirt. Alas, no luck in finding one. Or corduroy. Maybe the outfit might work with my cute short denim skirt? I dunno. I need to see what works. Hahahah. (Sorry, bimbo moment.)

I hope it won’t be too friggin’ cold. Like it was in New York last year. Geeeeez. I couldn’t handle that. But the forecast says arount 7-1degCelsius…. and that’s not too bad. I hope. It’s the darn wind chill that’s killer.

The last time I was in Paris was in the summer of ‘98, during the World Cup. It was a cool experience to be in that kind of crazy environment, but I think it marred Paris for me. I remember being kinda meh about it, and my mom was like outraged that I was so blase about Paris. Hahahah. I think this time it’ll be better, and maybe now I really appreciate Paris as the city of romance and all that hoopla. Heh. Plus, I really want to go to Versailles and the Louvre. Among other things. And maybe see a bunch of hot French men. LOL. (I dunno why, but suddenly Michael Vartan popped into my head. Heh.)

2006 coming around… and I used to be quite into the new year resolution thing. I’ve slacked off in the past few years, for some reason. I should get back into it. Esp. since I’ll be graduating and should try and set some goals for myself. Heh. And y’know what should top the list: get over YKW. Hah. (Riiiiight.) Still, I should just write that down and see if I can make it happen. (Or not… *facepalm*) The key, my friends, (I think) is to get interested in someone else. That’s pretty much the only way I can move on from this craziness. Or get my heart totally broken into itsy bitsy pieces so that any hope is dead- I don’t favor that option… ‘cos OUCH. Of course, my preferred option is not needing to get over him at all; but if wishes came true, the world would be a much happier place and what fun would that be? Haha. Masochist.

Hah. Maybe my first resolution should be a little more simple and attainable; ie. stop talking/thinking about/blogging about YKW. That’d doable. Heh.

One year later, and I’m still hung up. What is wrooooong with me? GAH. Silly silly girl.

Y’know, I really should stop listening to “Everytime I Close My Eyes”.

Yesterday was Karaoke Day. Finally. It got cancelled the previous time cos everyone kinda bailed, but yesterday four of us (Sarah, Cal, Hani & myself) finally went. We went early cos it’s cheaper and were there for nearly 4 hours. Heh. It didn’t feel like 4 hours though; it went by too quickly.

Some of craziness was captured on video on our phonecams (I forgot to bring my digi-cam in my haste to leave the house). Hahahhaha. They will never see the light of day, cos that’s some of the funniest, most embarrassing shit EVER. Most of the time we were just laughing ourselves slly. Hahahaha. Geeeez.

WE HAVE TO GO AGAIN! Cos it’s so much fun. And it’s worth going earlier in the day. Heh.

In other news, I’m gonna get my hair cut sometime this week. My sideswept bangs are annoying the crap out of me and I wanna go back to having full bangs. I dunno, but I prefer them. I was toying with the idea of perming my hair; but I’m too poor and I dunno if I really want to. I think I’d rather re-color and highlight my hair instead of getting a perm. My out-grown roots are starting to annoy the crap out of me too. Gaaaah. Moneymoneymoney.

I need to start that part-time job thingy my mom hooked me up with, but I’m too lazy to go there for the training sessions. Besides, I’ll be away next week anyway so I wouldn’t be able to start work immediately. I think I’ll probably go after the new year and then maybe work 2-3 times a week during the semester. We’ll see how it goes. Whatever it is, I definitely need the extra moolah. So many things I wanna do, not enough money! Le sigh.

I’ve been listening to a lot of old-school Backstreet. Like the first 2 albums. Loooove. I really liked their pop/r&b phase before they decided to go more pop/rock. Been listening to “Everytime I Close My Eyes” and “Set Adrift On Memory Bliss” a lot today (and sorta thinking about a certain someone… will I ever stop?). The excitement of seeing them next year is starting to build. Eeeeeeee! Can’t wait!

I was supposed to clean my room today….. um, it didn’t happen. Maybe I should start now? (Or… I could watch tv? Heh.)

[Yet more JD-love…. I might take to calling him Jason, except that it might be confusing what with the other Jason I love (Jason Dohring). Heh.]

I think I’ll never run out of JD/INXS stuff to download. Hahahah. I love this fandom so much, cos everyone is (still) so batshit crazy and there’s always video/mp3/whatever of anything they do. It’s awesome yo.

I got some bits of the MuchMoreMusic appearance. JD is just too cute and I love how much the band loves each other. Awww, makes me all mushy inside. And hot damn, the man knows how to wear a t-shirt and low-slung jeans. Mmmmm. Simple outfit, but so so hot. I think it’s his lean, lanky physique that makes everything look good on him. And he carries himself very well. And when he pushes up his short sleeves? GUH. Aaaarms. Aaaarms. *flails* He has such great arms and I lovelovelove the tattoos. I’m really not a tattoo-girl, but I love his. Hee.

I absolutely adore his version of NTUA. That song really is such a great song. This is the only full version of the song that I’ve heard him sing, and I wonder if he can hit the “why” at the end of “but some of us don’t know whyyyyyyy”. I’m sure he can, but I’d still want to hear him hit it.

And when he sang that little bit of “Never Let You Go”? *dies* That’s one of my faves on the album, cos I love the vibe and the catchiness. (Plus the whole “marry a dancer” lyric… hahahaha)

The VJ bugged the crap out of me though. She had a shrill voice and seemed to flustered and was barely coherent. Blaaah. And why did JD plant a kiss on her? Ehhh.

I also just saw the appearance on Sunrise. JD just rocks NS! It’s not one of my fave songs (maybe I got too sick of hearing it during the credits of RS:INXS?), but I have a new appreciation for it now. Hehe. The interview was quite amusing too, with JD going “I do a lot of things that begin with French” when the host-dude asked him to say something in French after finding out that he can speak French. Hahahaha. Then the host-lady goes “This is a breakfast show”. Hahahahahah.

I take back what I said about not liking JD’s NYT. I think I still prefer MH’s version, but JD does a good job on it too and bring the sexy in a different way. Heh.

Oooh, speaking of JD, I bought me a JD-hat a little while ago. (See pic at the bottom right hand of my graphic above.) I was looking for now and finally found one I liked. Wooo! I bought it in black and I love it. That was sometime just after my exams, when I was out with Cal and Hani and ended up on a mini-shopping spree. I bought the hat, sunglasses, and this uber-cute black top which gives a corset-like effect. Heh. Shopaholic, I am. I still need to buy a beat with a bling buckle and bling earrings. Expensive, yo. But I want!

Gaaaah. I’ve been bored most of today. I finally watched Alias and VM (I will squee about Sarkie when I feel more up to it… squeeage about VM? Not so much). Took a long nap. Then started downloading INXS stuff. Baaaah. I’m bored. And fuckin’ hungry. I asked my mom to buy me a Subwa sandwich but she didn’t see my message in time. Blooody hell. I’m gonna starve tonight.

What to do? What to do?

We won second place.

…..

A little disappointed, but it’s okay. You win some, you lose some. But we danced hard, we looked good, we had a good time. What more can you ask for? I had a great time with the group; practices were always fun, and everyone got along and that’s always a plus. So it’s all good, regardless of the results. :)

Personally, I’m a little disappointed with myself, cos I know I’ve done better in practice and could’ve done better tonight. I messed up with taking off my jacket which got me flustered. I recovered (and quite well, actually) but that shouldn’t have happened at all. Oh well. You pick yourself up, dust yourself on, learn from your mistakes and move on.

I finally got the DVD of our performance back in August. I seriously HATE the TRL-style camera angles. Boooooo. Sucky. I saw like 10 seconds of me in the first dance cos the rest of the time I was at the far left and out of the view of the side-camera. Meh. Couldn’t see myselg during my fave part of the choreography. Gah. Why the fuck would you use a camera from the side during a dance performance? Doesn’t freakin’ make sense. I wish they could just stick to a frontal view. Blaaaaah.

It’s a weird experience watching myself dance. Of course, seeing something live and seeing something on video can different. Prior to Kazi, I could never bear to watch myself dance. I just could not be satisfied with how I did and did not like to watch myself. Somehow, Kazi changed that. My perfs with Kazi made me see myself in a new light and for the first time, I honestly thought that I was a good dancer. Maybe I’m too hard on myself or whatever, but however much I love dance, I can’t feel totally happy with the way I do. It’s funny but it’s true.

Anyway, like I said, the Kazi perfs are pretty much the only times when I’m totally happy and satisfied with my performance. I saw the video of our DR perf in September, and wasn’t totally happy with it. I thought I looked a little awkward and gawky. Some parts I liked, some parts not so much. I’m not as strong a dancer as I wish I was after these 2-3 years of dancing.

Then, weirdly enough, watching the practice runs for this competition tonight, I was quite happy with the way I danced. I dunno, but yeah. I’m pretty sure though that if we had taped our acual performance tonight, I would be anything but happy with it.

ANYWAY, back to the DVD I’m watching. We had three dances in the entire dansical (Heh!). I barely saw myself in the first one. And what I did see was me screwing up some. DAAAAAMN. That’s not good; I dunno how that happened but it did. Boooo. And dang, I think wearing skimpy clothes on my tall frame can be a bit of a detriment sometimes. Cos I tend to look too lanky and my limbs and my movements have to be really strong and controlled, else I look crappy. That’s hard yo. That said, my legs look damn fuckin’ long and good in those shorts. Hahahahha. That was actually a hot outfit but it didn’t help my dancing, I think. Haaaaa. I did look strong in some parts, but overall…. MEH.

The 2nd scene we had was the “fight” scene and that looked AWESOME on video. I really love that one! It’s funny cos that was the most frustrating to learn but it ended up being th most fun and the best one, I think, on video. It started with a little clubby scene which rocked cos the lighting (or lack of it) was greeeeat. Heheh. The group I was in was the red/black team and our clothes looked good yo. Very fierce. That’s my fave dance to watch. I think it came off really well. And I’m most pleased with my performance in this particular piece. I think I looked strong in that dance. *pats self on back* And my outfit was flattering. Hehe.

The last dance was the wedding “courtyard” scene. I quite like my outfit there; I think it’s really cute and fit the vibe of the boy-girl dance. The way the skirt flares when I turn is too cute. Hahahaha. This is my 2nd fave scene. It’s very nice, and very cute. Heehee. Idil was my partner, and he was really easy to work with. It was fun dancing with him and I could trust him not to drop me or anything. Hahahah. We worked and danced well together. Dancing-wise, I quite liked the way I was in this dance.

It’s funny how different people’s perspectives can be. Heh. Hani thought I was skanky. Looking at the video, I don’t really think so. My outfits were skanky-ish, I’d agree to that. Hahaha. Another friend told me that I was hot; I hope that he meant not just how I looked but how I danced. Hahahahha. Meanwhile, watching the video, I’m half-meh and half-pleased with myself. So self-critical, I am. Heh.

I think that my height is something that I need to learn to work with. I havelearnt to some extent; God knows how freakin’ awkward and gawky I looked when I first started. Hahaha.I think I’ve definitely gotten better over the years, but there’s a looooong way to go. And I hope to get there. I hope to get to a point where I can happy with every dance performance I do. Hehe. We’ll see. I need to dance more, and just work harder to get to where I want to be.

Oy. It’s like 4.45am and I’m so tired from the long day.

I’m in a “mood”. This mood is of the “Look at them disgustingly happy couples… GAH!” variety with a side of “Fuckin’ hell I wanna be half of a disgustingly happy couple too!”.

*facepalm*

Dear Prince of Mine,

WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU? Are you lost? Do you need a map? Can’t you please ask for directions? I know they say someday my prince will come, but I’m tired of waiting. Can someday be someday soon? Thanks.

Not-so-much-love and lots-of-impatience,
Me

I’m not often in this kind of mood. I quite hate being in this mood, cos being down and feeling sorry for yourself is just…. MEH. Not good. There’s no point in it. Aaaaargh. I need to snap out of it.

Upside: Karaoke tomorrow! Finally, we’re getting around to it. It should be fun. Crazy but fun. Hee! :)

I’m been out of the JD/INXS loop. I just can’t keep up with it all! But tonigh, cos I had nothing else to do (dance was cancelled!), I decided to see what I’ve missed. Maaaaan, I missed a lot “”. I’m on a major downloading spree now. But my download speeds are so low! Gaaaah.

I’ve been watching/listening to the perf of “New Sensation” from the VH1 show. Damn, that’s hot. Seriously, JD sounds fabulous. and he looked fabulous too. Black is definitely his color. He is one good-looking man. Mmmmm. There’s this part where he’s like swivelling his hips while holding down his belt down, and I was just like “Ohholyfuck… guh!”. And the bit at the end where he gets groped by the fangirls. Hehe. Mmmm, JD. So fuckin’ hot. I had sorta forgotten after not watching the RS:INXS vids obssessively for a while now. Hahah.

And there’s a bunch of other stuff too. Like JD singing NTUA. I love that song so much. I was a little disappointed with his version of NYT from the VH1 acoustic show; the vibe felt off to me. I still prefer the original version (and maybe that can’t be topped? MH was pretty darn sexy on that song). And I’m downloading stuff from MuchMoreMusic, though I’m impatient with the slow download speed. Meh.

My mom came into my room and went, “JD again?”. Hahahaha. As if I’ve been playing nothing but JD. Which is not true.

Hmm, been coasting through the Rockband forum and the Pretty pics that are posted. Dang, he is one good-looking man. It bears repeating. LOL.

I was lying in bed, and ready to fall asleep…. okay wait, that’s not quite true. I was lying in bed, reading and somewhat ready to fall asleep…. but now I feel freakin’ awake again. Damnit.

I miss YKW, and I want to talk to him, but he’s not online. Gaaaaaah. It’s exam-time over there though, so I figure that his cute, nerdy self is studying. Hehe.

I was reading this romance novel last night, and I couldn’t stop crying. It wasn’t particularly sad or anything…. but I just cried like buckets. I dunno what came over me; it was a really sweet story though and for some reason, it got to me. But, in a way, it was a nice crying session. Sounds strange, but it’s true; sometimes you need to just get it out of your system. I’m a weird one sometimes. I get emotional over books and stuff more easily than I do over most other real-life things that happen to me. I mean, I’m the girl who’d be watching Oprah and crying. Geez. What can I say; I am a marshmallow. (Just like Veronica… can I have a Logan please?)

(I don’t know why I’m even including that paragraph above, but I guess I’m in a sharing mood. Haha.)

Hani just came back from KL, and as usual she has a wealth of stories (with an interesting cast of characters) to share. And as usual, she be tryin’ to ‘matchmake’ me with someone. Riiiiight. According to her, the guys there can dance well. I told her: I already know a dancer whom I’d want as my boyf. Hehehehehe. No need to try to hook me up with someone. LOL.

I’ve been busy with dance practice the past few days. It’s been crazy and tiring but a lot of fun. It’s good to get back into the groove; sometimes I need to be reminded of how much I love to dance. We taped our practice run tonight; it looks pretty good for something that’s only like 4 days old but as always there’s a lot of room for improvement. Still, I’m feeling pretty good about it; I know what I need to work on and stuff. Competition’s on Friday night (come and watch… ask me for the details), so we have a few days to work out the kinks. Then we have a 1 in 5 chance of winning, and I think we have a good shot at it. *crosses fingers*

My mom just bought tickets for the Backstreet concert. Hee! She got 2 of the cheapest ones. I got away with not divulging how much I paid for mine. Hahahaha. Nice one. All I said was I have a good seat, and my mom went, “You must have paid an arm and a leg”. Too true, too true. I paid almost twice what she did. Craziness. Craaaaziness. I swear, Nick better serenade me or something. Hahahaha.

I’m tired but somehow sleepiness has evaded me. Damnit. I need to sleeeeeep.

So, I was just thinking (cos when I’m bored, I tend to think) that it’s really been a year since I left Carolina. Okay fine, what I really meant to say is that it’s been a year since I saw YKW. Heh. Aaaargh. *facepalm* I really really wanna go back there (and not just cos of him). Sigh. I know that in all likelihood I’ll see YKW again next year (or so I hope), but I still really want to go to C.Hill. Next fall, hopefully. It’s gonna cost me more than an arm and a leg, but I hope it’ll happen. (OMG, I’m just talking to Ali on MSN, and she’s already in Hawaii! Gah, somehow I thought she was only leaving this week. Luccccky.)

I am crazy. I am delusional. And being tired and somewhat awake at 3am makes me spout odd things and think crazy thoughts. (I think I’m more prone to being sentimental and shit when it’s late at night, I’m tired, I’m in a weird mood or all of the above.)

Sleepsleepsleep.