and i u n f o l d

Today I am a very very happy camper.

One: paaaaay day! The joy! The relief! The OMG!YAAAAY of it all! LOL. :D
Two: dance! Cos of my alternating shift-duty, I can only go for dance classes every other week, which sucks. So, this week is morning shift so I could go for dance.

Sidetrack: I really need to get off my butt and exercise more…. which is part of the reason I wish I could go for dance more often. I realize that since I started working, I’ve been feeling hungry more frequently and consequently eat more and more often. Of course, I know y’all be hating on my genetics that somehow burns all the crap I eat, but seriously I feel like I need to be more active despite the fact that I’m not gaining weight and whatever. Blaaah.

Back to dance… the class today would’ve been only like 4 people, if not for the people from the beginner class joining in. As it was, I already felt the pressure. Pat taught choreography to O.marion’s Icebox and IT WAS TEH SHIT. Call it new-skool, milking, lyrical hip-hop or whatever, but I am so so bloody effin’ in love with that style. This was pretty much one of the first few times he’s taught something like this, so I was really excited.

It’s difficult, way more difficult than it looks. So nuanced, all about the style of the execution, all about musicality and feeling the beats. The choreography, I got it… but something got lost in the execution. I tried really hard but something was still off. Pat kept giving pointers and kept correcting everyone (and me!). I mentally understood what he was saying and I understood his demonstration… but my body and coordination wouldn’t obey and didn’t quite get it. Sigh. It’s a nice challenge though.

Now I’m feeling really enthusiastic about taking lyrical hip-hop classes. I know I’ll be stumped and that I will probably be not-very-great-at-all at it… but man, I really wanna be able to dance that style. I wanna be able to do it like those awesome dancers you can see in Y.outube videos. Hehehehe. That’s the dream yo, that’s the dream.

Days go by and the week is almost over. Days go by… and a) pay day gets closer (thank God!); b) one day closer to my appointment to get my hair done (about-freakin’-time!); c) I can cross one day off my 6-month attachment in the di.rect biz dept; d) the more I can look forward to the 15th and seeing TbB again (hahahah, lameee!).

The work week is over, which makes me glad. Honestly, if it wasn’t for the people I’m working with, I think I’d be friggin’ depressed or something. But the “aunties” on my team are hilarious and spice up my day somehow. They’re always sharing anecdotes, making jokes and all that. Makes things a little livelier. So, I’m thankful for that. Also, I’ve got my fellow IEs (the bunch of us who are in.surance ex.ecs) in the department. We not only share our lunch/dinner times, but we also share our complaints and our grumblings and general discontent with each other. It’s nice to know I’m not the only one going through this.

It’s not that I hate my job. I don’t really; I suppose I’ve gotten used to it to some extent and it’s fairly straightforward. It’s just that I’d really really rather be doing almost anything else. I keep telling myself it’s only for another 5 months and hopefully within this period, I’ll get transferred to the other section of the department that does inbound calls. A lot more hectic I’m sure, but I think I’d prefer it over outbound. We’ll see, I guess.

In between all this, I’ve been thinking. About my life, what I want, and how I see the future. It’s all nebulous right now and I wish it wasn’t. I don’t wanna be all maudlin and say life is meaningless because that would just be devaluing. I don’t know but I guess there are things I want that I don’t know how to get. And sometimes I can’t even articulate what it is I want; all I know is what I don’t want… and really, that doesn’t help.

I don’t know how to rectify it. I’m not depressed, I’m not sad about my life… but there’s an undercurrent of searching. Like walking in the dark and not knowing what’s happening or where you’re going, but you hope that you’ll reach light sooner rather than later.

……

Okay, enough of that.

In more fun news, I LOVE BLAKEALICIOUS! Heh. The reason I am watching AI. He’s so much fun to watch; I love the b-boxing, the interesting way he Blake-izes his song choices, the way he dresses, the moves, and the sexy confidence he exudes. Seriously, I am very very attracted to charismatic guys. And Blake has it in spades. I saw his pre-A.I perfs and HOT DAMN! He is gooooood. Even if he doesn’t win, he needs to put out an album yo.

Also, E.lliott Yam.in’s debut album is outtttttt. Yayness. I am in love with his first single. So catchy. His voice is freakin’ fabulous. It’s really cool to see how much he has progressed, in terms of style, confidence and performance. Go E!

Rob.in Th.icke? LOVE HIM TOO. OMG, his album is TEH SHITZNIT.

I am sad to announce that I am facing a crisis: JD!pod has run out of space. AAAAAAAH. The horror! The tragedy! I don’t know what to do. I’m thinking that I’ll do a backup of all my music and then delete off the stuff I really don’t listen to in order to make room for new stuff. :( The expensive solution would be to buy a brand-spankin’-new pod with higher capacity. Haaaa. Yeah right.

Oh, I am also loving the All-Star TAR. Why? Os.wald & Dan.ny! They’re my favouritest TAR team ever and not only are they kicking ass in this race, they are also as fabulous, funny and stylish as ever. Love them and I’m praying they win. I was a lil bummed when Rob & Amb.er were eliminated; they were good racers and brought the evil. Heh.

I need retail therapy really badly. For my emotional well-being and my pathetic work-wardrobe. Hmmph.

So glad it’s the weekend. So so glad.

Yesterday was a really good day.

Sure, I did have to work and wake up early and deal with all that. But then, the after-work activities more than made up for it.

We had tickets for the Ra.chel Yamag.ata concert at Mos.aic, which Cal, Hani and I went to. And it was only a few days ago that I heard about TbB having a thing at the Po.pular at Br.as Ba.sah so I dragged them along there with me. Hehehehe. Dude, the last time was like 2 months ago. I’m suffering here. LOL!

I got there at 5pm and was a little surprised that the crowd was pretty small. To amuse myself, I called Hani to talk to me and alleviate my boredom while waiting for them to arrive. Then I called Val and told her what I was up to and we catched up a bit. Finally Cal and Hani got there… and finally, TbB came.

We were standing at the back and, as usual, I can see over everyone else’s heads. LOL. The perk of being tall and wearing 2-inch heels. Things got better when, in light of the relaxed atmosphere, TbB had the management take away the barriers and asked everyone to sit down and chill. We stayed standing at the back and obviously got an unobstructed view of him.

Our snarking began the moment he stepped on the lil platform masquerading as a stage. The first thing that caught our notice was the facial hair. I can deal with the goatee; he looks kinda hot with it. But that lil moustache thingy? SO NOT THE HOT, seriously. Hani and I kept saying that he reminded us of our fathers. Ahahahaha. And Hani kept saying that he looks like a mat, to which: cue my rolling eyes and me saying, “He IS a mat!”. Cal said that he looked a lil different and that he gained weight or something. I blame the facial hair and the not-that-flattering A&F dark blue shirt he was wearing which dampened the Hotness factor somewhat. With his physique, he can rock almost anything he wears and usually he has great style, but that shirt was not working on him yesterday.

Of course, regardless, Liza was still all googly-eyed. Because, yes. He just has to smile and I can almost forget about the not-hotness of the facial hair and the shirt. Heh.

We were snarking so much that I missed some of what he was saying. He said he hurt his elbow and that he had stitches and it was all bandaged up. (Seems like the injury happened while he was motorcrossing. Interesting.) I guess that the reason for the long-sleeved shirt. He also later mentioned hurting his fingers/hand playing basketball. (Playing ball is swoon-worthy. Playing ball well is all kinds of hot. Either way, he wins points.) He pimped out the movie 300 and then was like oops it’s M18, which made us snort in amusement, because as always we were the older ones there.

Then came the “burning questions” from the audience. ‘Cept that they weren’t really burning. Kinda boring, really… but made lively thanks to his sense of humor and Dan.iel Ong’s hosting skillz. The potentially burning question was if he still smoked, but he diffused that one by giving a straight no. Probably the funniest was the acting segment when TbB did his best impersonation of Mic.hael Scof.ield. Heh. He basically did some sexy mumbling which made everyone laugh because Went.worth does do that! That was amusing. The other that amused was his answer to the question of what he would be doing if he wasn’t singing. He said he’d be sailing around the world. We were like WTF? Cal snarked “You know what they say about sailors,” which set me off on a laughing fit. And then we started singing “Sailing” to ourselves. Hahahhaha.

He sang two songs; a Ma.lay song (I told Hani was a song about her and her MTIA) and that sappy song which I love. I was off to my Happy Place when he sang that sappy song. Awwwww, so sweeeeet. Esp. when he’s standing like maybe 5 metres away. Mmmmmm. Bummer that he didn’t sing Hani’s fave song! We would’ve rocked out to that! LOL.

In between all this, there was a ton of snarking. We really couldn’t get over the facial hair and kept griping about it throughout. At one point, Hani was checking out his package and I was like, “WTF? Are you trying to make it so that I can never look him in the eye again?!?!” Haha. Cal was bored and was wondering what she was doing at yet another TbB thingy (providing moral support for your friend yo!). And I was just smiling like an idiot and making goo-goo eyes at him. Ahahahaha.

After that was a super short autograph session. The first 10 peeps who bought the album got to take a polaroid with him. People were busy snapping pics and we were busy snarking and talking. Now, I dunno if we were loud, or if someone else mentioned it to him too, or if it was just a random question but before he left, he asked the crowd if he should keep the moustache and he got a super loud NO, especially loudly from us. LOL! And then he asked a follow-up second question about if he should keep the goatee, and Hani gave a resoundingly loud positive response. Heh! Twas really funny.

After that, we were walking out when Hani spotted him and his people standing near the lift/stairwell. So, we went over and, of course, as we approached he just got done taking a photo with someone and was leaving. I was like, DAMN! He turned and waved and Hani asked, quite randomly, if he was going to Mo.saic and specificaly if he was going to the Rachel concert. He said something like, maybe… if blahblahblah. I honestly did not catch what he said. (That question came to mind because word is he was at the Mraz concert last year so we thought he might be going for some of the events this year too.) That whole thing was funny and slightly weird, because it was such a casual and random thing to ask. The whole weirdness of this situation is that we/I don’t know how to treat him because a) he’s around our age; and b) we don’t see him as a “celebrity”. Add to that the total rubbish I am with boys I really like. So, yes.

After that, we went off to have dinner before the Rachel concert. Thai.Exp.ress! Yummmmy! We then rushed to Esp.lanade… and thank goodness we were not late because the concert started on time. No opening act, nothing. It was about an hour and 20 minutes long and it was really good. Of course, nothing can compare to Mraz, but then that was like a religious experience.

Rachel was really cute and funny and has an amazing voice. Her songs are so wonderfully depressing. They can be part of the soundtrack of my and Hani’s lives. Heh. It was hilarious cos whenever she intro-ed a song, either one of us would like be sighing and we’d be nudging each other. The catchphrase of the night was “I want to kill myself” after she finished singing a sad, emo song that we related to. LOL.

I also have to say that I love the crowd at Esp.lanade. The three times I’ve been to events at the concert hall, the crowd has been supportive and quite vocal, which is really cool.

And no, I have no idea if TbB was there. If he was, we didn’t see him around. Then again, the whole place was quite crowded since there was a performance going on at the main foyer as well. So, who knows?
Then we had yummy dessert at Sw.ensens. Mmmm, good stuff.

So, yes, it was definitely a good day. :)

Also, I have 15/4 to look forward to. Heehee. (I am hopeless.)

Weekends just pass by way too quickly.

LAAF get-together on Friday night. That’s Li.za, Ais.hah, Al.i and Fa.rah. Heh. Since I was on afternoon shift, I could only join them after their dinner. Had a nice chat at Starbucks, just catching up and stuff. Then we headed to Cla.rke Quay, to a place called C.hina One, that I hadn’t been to.

I felt like such a fish out of water. On hindsight, it’s kinda funny. I’m not really a big nightlife person, and when I do go out, it’s almost always to a hip-hop/R&B club so that I can dance all night. That’s my nightlife scene of choice. Or, if not that, then some place really really chill and low-key and quiet where we can really talk. C.hina On.e was more of a bar; there was a live band and people were standing around, talking and socializing.  It was in-between my tastes, which made me feel a bit odd.

I guess I’m also not used to the see-and-be-seen aspect of nightlife. We were talking about it that night; well, I mentioned it- that, chances are, if I want to meet someone, I’d really have to make the effort to socialize on weekends cos I doubt I’d meet anyone at work. But I’ve always been a lil iffy about the idea of meeting someone in a club/bar/whatever. Not that I never checked out guys whenever I was out clubbing, but it was kinda secondary to actually having fun with my friends. My most favourite memories of clubbing involve the fun I had dancing and being crazy with my friends, instead of picking up guys or getting picked up or whatever.

Maybe it’s something I will get used to, if I get a bit more into this nightlife thing. Maybe I’ll never be completely comfortable with it. We’ll see.

In other my news: my alcohol is so terribly low, it’s hilarious. I had maybe one-and-a-half glasses (probably less, since I bummed off of Ali). When I got home, my head started buzzing. Haaaa, LAME. Lychee martinis are, however, YUMMMMY.

Of course, the ParPat (i.e. Parental Patrol, aka the parental units and their rules) cut my night short. I expected it, but was hoping that it wouldn’t happen. The mom started calling once it hit 2+ in the am… and I was like, SIGH. I get that they are concerned. I get that it’s not nice for me to be home super late while my grandma is staying with us. I get it, but I don’t have to like it. I wish they’d cut me more slack.

Which takes me to my next point: if only I could move out.

On Saturday evening, I went to my cousin’s place with the mom and bro cos she was having a BBQ for her birthday. It’s a long story but essentially, the company her husband is working for provides lodging for them and they have a service apartment at Rob.ertson Quay, which is pretty much a stone’s throw away from But.terFactory. And the apartment is pretty swanky; not that large… but the furniture and bedding and everything is top-notch. I checked online and it seems like the rental price is about 8.5k per month. Yowza. There are no words for how much I covet that apartment.

I would kill kill kill to have a place of my own, let alone a freakin’ posh service apartment centrally located. The independence, the freedom! I love my family and I know we have a really great place… but, for me, there are strings attached. It sucks that it would probably take marriage for me to be able to move out….. or me moving to another country. We all know I like option #2, but how do I make it happen?!?! GAH.

Grass is always greener on the other side, huh?

Most of the time, I start out feeling blaaaah about AI. And then, inevitably, someone catches my eye and I get sucked in.

This year, the blame’s on B.lake Lewis.

First took notice of him during the Hollywood group sing when he and his group kicked major ass by embracing the smarm that is the group sing. Probably the most memorable group sing I’ve seen on AI so far. When he did the beatboxing and they went acappella, it was so so awesome. They were good and they looked like they were having fun.

So then came the Top 24 round. Blake sang that Kea.ne song and since we hadn’t actually really heard him sing yet, I was pleasantly surprised by how good he was. Plus, he looked cute.

Fangirl love came with the V.irtual Insa.nity perf. Aaaaah, love. It’s a difficult song to sing. And his beatboxing & scatting in the middle of the song was aweeeesome. His beatboxing makes Jup look like an amateur (well, okay, Jup isn’t that fabulous really). Haaaaa. He did a tiny bit of dancing and it’s obvious he has rhythm. He just always looks so at home and confident onstage and that really sells the performance more than anything. It was a very comfortable, confident performance.

Oh, did I mention that he has a rockin’ booty? (He so does! Heh.) There’s something kinda sexy about him. I think it’s because he seems so self-assured. Like he knows who he is, and who he is as a musician. It’s cool. He has oodles of charisma, I think. And I dig his hair. LOL.

Tonight’s perf was another cool one. I couldn’t place the song though it did seem familiar. I liked the reggae-ish vibe of the song. Very nice.

I have no doubt he’ll make it to Top 12. Then, I hope he’ll last long enough, if not all the way to the top. :D

Blaaaaaaaake!

Today, I was quite randomly reminded of how much I love to write. Someone on LJ posted a writing meme on five things you’ve written that you love. It made me think of the stuff I’ve written and what would be on that list. Would I even be able to list 5 stories that I can now read and not cringe at? LOL.

So, out of curiosity, I googled my penname. Found a few places I didn’t know my fic was at, but it was cool cos they were mostly at rec sites or sites listing someone’s fave stuff. That was ego boost #1. Also, there were some links to forums and people were saying really lovely things about my stuff. I was surprised, in a good way, of course. That people can even remember my (pen)name when listing out fave writers and stories is mind-boggling to me. I mean, I myself can list out some stories and writers I’ve enjoyed over the years from the different fandoms I’ve read… but it’s totally, truly TEH COOLEST when there are people out there who feel that way about you. Kinda makes me laugh, really, cos I’m not that great. There are some stuff that I’m really proud of and even now makes me go, “Damn, I’m good!”. (Haha!) BUT there are also things that make wanna cover my face and pretend I didn’t write them. Haaaaa. I guess that’s good though, cos at least it shows that I evolved as a writer.

And links to F.anforum came up as well. When I clicked on them, I was reminded of how involved I was in fandom. It was so much fun, really. That was… oh, about 4-5 years ago. I remember vividly because I freakin’ wrote (and finished) a freakin’ chaptered fic in the middle of my As. AHAHAHAHAHAH. Was I a model student or what? ;) And that signalled my descent into the insanity of fandom, shipping and fic (… again, because I was also into the Pop fandom before that).

Anyway, yes, I was super-duper into fandom for a couple of years, wrote helluva lot and met a lot of really great people in the process. I still kinda vaguely keep in touch with some of them via LJ but almost everyone has moved away from the boards. Now when I just pop in, I don’t recognize any of the names anymore. It’s interesting to me though that the ship is still somewhat alive after all these years. Behold, the power of fandom. Heh.

The whole point of all this babbling is that I miss writing! And I really want to make an effort to get back into it.

The company makes all the difference between a good time and a terrible one.

I had training at HQ on Thursday and Friday. The change was nice, esp. since I’ll be working at Tam.pines for the next 6 months at least. The training sessions were a little bit dreary because most of the stuff they went through were things that we already know. Plus, the trainers were not very interesting to listen to. Still, somehow we managed to stay awake most of the time by snarking and amusing ourselves.

It was great to see the whole bunch of us together during the 2 days since we’ve been split up into several different departments. I really do like my colleagues. I may not completely click with everyone, there may be some intra-group politics going on, but I do have a nice time with them. So, for that, I’m glad.

Went to watch The Da.nce.Fl.oor results with Hani since she got tickets. Made the loooong walk up to Med.iaCrap. We were early cos we did a lot of waiting in the studio where I got a weird marriage proposal from the dude who warmed up the audience. I was like, WTF?!? Creepy yo. We also had the terrible luck of sitting next of the mom of one of the contestants. She was rightly enthused and tried to get us into it… and we were like, errrrrm. Hilarious. So we had to forcefully up our enthusiasm level. Hahahaha. I told Hani, this is my penance for all the times I dragged you to TbB stuff, right? LOL.

The live taping went by quickly. And then we tried unsucessfully to wait for a cab before walking out a bit to the bus stop. No buses to get us to town but finally we did score a cab. We did some shopping and I succumbed to buying a beige corduroy vest. So cute! And cheap! I was pleased. I still want to find a black or grey one. Then we headed to .BK, where we talked about boys and marriage. Heh.

Oh, and the most interesting part of the night: I met her MTIA. Heh heh. We had a late supper with MTIA and his friend. Like I said, interesting. Hani had told me that MTIA had a haircut and that he now looks like TbB, so which, when I first heard, cracked my shit up cos I didn’t believe it. Strangely enough, it’s sorta true. Like from afar and if you look really quickly, there’s a passing resemblance. Kinda freaked me out. Haha. But, naturally, TbB’s more hot. LOL. :P

It was funny cos the boys spoke M.alay most of the time and there Hani and I would be, speaking in English. Haha. They’re nice guys and we digressed into talking about history in a religious perspective and evolution, though God knows how we got there. Heh. Got home only at 3.30am, so I only had time to take what seemed like a nap before having to go to work.

Friday night, I was at Hi.p Hop N.ite with Cal and Hani and the alumni Blasties. Fun times. Lotsa snarking and bitching and running commentary throughout the show. LOL. The competition was pretty good though and kudos to the boys who won! And I was reminded of how much I miss dance! I still dance a little bit, but it’s different from how it used to be. But I’m planning on taking more classes once April rolls around. :) Lyrical and LA hip.hoppppppp, here I come!

Oh, I spotted a few Sur.ia people hanging about the foyer for the E.lec.trico concert (ie the boys from A.nugerah) which prompted me to say to Hani and Cal, WHAT IF TBB IS HERE?!?!?! Hahahahaha. Jen and I saw them again after the show when we were walking to the carpark when they stopped us for directions to Fon.g S.eng. As we walked past them, I told her who they were and she joked about asking them to come along. And I was like, “And do what? Ask them to introduce me to TbB? Ahahahahahaha.” LOL.

After the show, I managed to say hi to some dance friends I hadn’t seen in a while. Then some of the Blasties hung out at West C.oast McD. Talked more crap and only left at 1-ish. Jen gave me a ride home, thanks babe! Oh, and Ji.exiao kinda out-ed me and my TbB crush! *facepalm* We were talking to him before we left, and the topic of shows came up and he commented that TbB was easily excitable or something like that and then it came out that I like him. D’oh. Xiao was saying that during their dance practice, TbB would get excited about how good the routine looked and that kinda stuff. Hehehehe. Cute la.

So now it’s the weekend, and after two days of having fun, I spent my time lazing about at home. Mmmm. Nice. It rained again (what’s with the shitty weather?) and it was lovely to snuggle into my comforter and sleep. Hee.

OH FUCCCKKKKK. I just read that TbB’s event in April is already fully-booked. WAAAAAAAAAAAAH. :( *shakes fist at sky*