drowning
I’m at a point where I just wanna go hide in a cave.
It’s been a rough few weeks.
Work is overwhelming at times. There are a lot of new things happening and I’m in the thick of it. Trying hard to keep up and do the things that really need to be done. There are bad days and okay days and I sometimes feel like I have a fragile hold on my sanity/temper/composure. Underneath my poker face, of course.
The insanity has seemingly been transported to my personal life. Again, my hold on my sanity/temper/whatever is wavering… and I have a feeling I’m gonna lose it one of these days. Little things irritate me, things that have always existed suddenly become abrasive, innocuous words can piss me off. I almost rather stay silent these days than say something I’ll regret.
Dance is pretty much the only thing anchoring me right now. It’s the only time I can feel carefree and happy and like my normal (awesome) self. The best kind of escape.
But even that didn’t last cos last night I felt insecurity creep in about my collabo class next week. It isn’t good enough! I’m not dancing it the way I imagined it to be! It’s not interesting or memorable! I was wondering if I would start disliking it even before it sees the light of day.
I don’t enjoy being not happy. I don’t like being emotionally fragile. I don’t have the inclination, time or energy to deal with melodramatic bullshit.
I need to find a way to regain control over my life. This isn’t fun.
… Maybe I should go find a cave.